IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and 2003.

The graph compares the age of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from the UK to
Spain
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 between 1983 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the age of
visitors
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 experienced different trends in the time period.
While
Linking Words
 the 0-24
years
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 and 55+
years
Use synonyms
visitors
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 rose gradually, the 25-34
years
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 and 35-54
years
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visitors
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 fell over time. As the graph shows, 10 percentage of 0-15
years
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 visited
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Spain
Use synonyms
 in 1983.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure rose to 12% in 2003. Regarding 16-24
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct word choice
old visitors
show examples
, in
1983
Punctuation problem
1983,
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 4% of them visited
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Spain
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 rate jumped quickly to 15% in 2003. The graph of 55+
years
Use synonyms
 shows that in
1983
Punctuation problem
1983,
show examples
 they started at 16%, and
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 rate increased to 26% in 2003.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the 25-34
years
Use synonyms
 and 35-54
years
Use synonyms
visitors
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 experienced
an
Correct article usage
a
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 decline in the
twenty year
Use the right word
twenty-year
show examples
 period. In 1983, 20% of 25-
34
Correct your spelling
34-year-old
years
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visitors
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 went to
Spain
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, but
this
Linking Words
 percentage fell to 12% in 2003. The 35-54
years
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 shows that in 1983, 50% of them visited
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Spain
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure dropped to 35% in 2003.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short intro, add an overview, and end with a short conclusion.
data presentation
Be sure to keep one label for each age group all through the essay.
accuracy
Check the numbers and the years so you use the same units and ages.
cohesion
Use linking words to show cause and effect and to compare.
lexical resource
Use simple, clear verbs for change, like rise, fall, grow, drop.
grammar accuracy
Fix small grammar points like plural and prepositions.
structure
Clear view of the trends in big groups.
content
The essay uses data from the chart for most groups.
cohesion
The flow of ideas and the overview help the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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