IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The increase in crime rate in cities is a major concern for governments. Discuss the causes of this increase and suggest ways to reduce crime.

Recent
Change preposition
In recent
show examples
 years,
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 rates in
cities
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 one of the biggest problems that
governments
Use synonyms
 have. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would like to examine the causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and the possible solutions. It is notable that criminal acts
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
 frequently in
cities
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to country areas. It is simply because there are more
people
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, there are deeper backgrounds behind it.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 gap between
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
 and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 is immense in major
cities
Use synonyms
 like London, Vancouver, and Tokyo. The living cost is increasing every year, and that makes
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 richer, and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 poorer.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, some individuals
experience
Verb problem
resort to
show examples
 criminal acts to earn some money to survive a day.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate and the spread of
smart phones
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
accelerate
Wrong verb form
have led
show examples
 individuals to commit crimes. A study shows that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 rate
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young generations
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 82% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 acts
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using
smart phones
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is crucial that
governments
Use synonyms
 take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 to
slove
Use the right word
solve
show examples
 these problems. In order to reduce the gap between rich and poor,
governments
Use synonyms
 need to support education, medical services, and welfare financially.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe that unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 and retired
people
Use synonyms
 should have more opportunities to learn technical skills and
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 to find better jobs in the future. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
rose
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
 because of the gap between
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
 and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
,
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 unemployment, and unprofitable ways of using
smart phones
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
.
Governments
Use synonyms
 need to play vital roles
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 supporting those
people
Use synonyms
 financially in terms of education, medical, and welfare.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Have one idea per paragraph. Put the cause paragraph first and then the solution paragraph. This helps the reader follow your thought.
grammar
Use simple and correct grammar. check spellings like 'occurred', 'crime', 'act', 'increased' and 'unemployed'. Avoid long or hard words.
coherence
Use linking words to show cause and effect, like 'because', 'so', 'therefore', 'as a result'. This will help your flow.
content
Give more facts or real examples for each idea. This can be a true fact or a simple example that fits the point.
structure
Be clear on the main idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that states the point, then add reason and example.
content
The essay has a clear aim to discuss causes and ways to cut crime.
structure
There is a conclusion that sums up the view.
content
The writer uses some city names to show examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • increase
  • crime
  • rate
  • cities
  • concern
  • government
  • causes
  • suggest
  • ways
  • reduce
  • poverty
  • money
  • job
  • opportunity
  • survive
  • support
  • education
  • struggle
  • work
  • behavior
  • improve
  • system
  • program
  • presence
  • drugs
  • alcohol
  • addict
  • steal
  • commit
  • habits
  • invest
  • rehabilitation
  • treatment
  • accessible
  • community
  • programs
  • disconnected
  • neighborhood
  • report
  • help
  • build
  • centers
  • organize
  • local
  • event
  • strengthen
  • bond
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