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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below gives information about students studying in six departures at a Australian university in 2011

The table below gives information about students studying in six departures at a Australian university in 2011
The table shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of six subjects which
students
Use synonyms
 study at
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 Australian university in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the rates of language female learners were the highest,
while
Linking Words
 the chemistry showed the
lower
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 results. The
English
Use synonyms
 language learners who are not native
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 language showed the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 among all of the results. Female
students
Use synonyms
 who learn
Use synonyms
english
Fix capitalization
English
show examples
 and modern languages gained the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
72
Punctuation problem
, 72
show examples
% and 68%,
respectively
Punctuation problem
respectively,
show examples
 compared to other departments.
However
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of science,
such
Linking Words
 as math and
chemistry
Punctuation problem
chemistry,
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the lowest(17% and 15%). Regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
who are not native speakers
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
English
Use synonyms
 showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the lowest results in learning foreign languages. But their result in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history and math were higher, 45% and 49%, respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the indicators of
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 were higher in physics and math with the same 56% , and chemistry was in the second rate with 48%. Their result in languages were the lowest as not native speakers
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
English
Use synonyms
 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, students, english with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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