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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatifactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 call it fate,
while
Linking Words
 others call it
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
, no matter what we call
it
Punctuation problem
it,
show examples
 we all have been put in
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difficult
situtaions
Correct your spelling
situations
 that we are forced to face. How we handle
such
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 circumstances may differ from one person to another, some
Punctuation problem
, espcially
show examples
espcially
Correct your spelling
especially
 the
beleviers
Correct your spelling
believers
 of different religions, are
convienced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that the bad
situtauins
Correct your spelling
situations
 they are in are a test and they should accept it and try to work through it,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 with more modern views of the world think that these events are brought by the
persons
Check wording
person's
show examples
 actions, and it is
thier duity
Correct your spelling
their duty
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to try to improve them. In my opinion, we should try to improve the situations we are in by accepting them first and trying to find a way to overcome them
after
Rephrase
afterwards
show examples
. On one Hand, most
people
Use synonyms
 of the common religions (
islam
Fix capitalization
Islam
show examples
,
Jewduism
Correct your spelling
Judaism
 and
christianity
Fix capitalization
Christianity
show examples
) have the
mind set
Use the right word
mindset
show examples
 that we should accept all issues we face
blindly
Punctuation problem
blindly,
show examples
 as it is a part of the faith.
However
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, it is the
furthestr
Correct your spelling
furthest
 from the truth, in these religions most prophets were tested and placed in difficult issues that they were forced to face
thiose
Punctuation problem
. thiose
show examples
 of them who just accepted their fate and never did
any thing
Use the right word
anything
show examples
 remained unhappy until they decided to seek gods help.
For example
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,
phrophet
Correct your spelling
Prophet
 Ayoob Peace be upon him as mentioned in the Quran lost all of his family, money and health. He suffered for years and never tried to change
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 when he
finally
Linking Words
decied
Correct your spelling
decided
 to seek help from
God
Punctuation problem
God,
show examples
 he was
decribed
Correct your spelling
described
 by god as a good follower of gods rules and was
rewared
Correct your spelling
rewarded
 more than what he had.
On the Other hand
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, individuals with modern
mind sets
Use the right word
mindsets
show examples
 think that it is
thier responsibilty
Correct your spelling
their responsibility
 to change the
unpleasing
Use the right word
unpleasant
show examples
 circumstances they are in. With
wild
Correct word choice
the widespread
show examples
spread
Check wording
awareness
show examples
 of mental health awarence it is more common for
people
Use synonyms
 to speak up about things that
gave
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them difficulties. A study done in Oman in 2024 by a group of
psycolgy
Correct your spelling
psychology
 students showed that
people
Use synonyms
 from GenZ (born between 1997-2003) are 70% more
likley
Correct your spelling
likely
 to speak up about what their not comfortable with and set their limits.
Further
Linking Words
 more
this
Linking Words
 shows that they did not
inhert
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inherit
 the
genrational
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generational
cure
Use the right word
curse
show examples
 of being fine with
what ever
Use the right word
whatever
show examples
 comes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 way
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they rather speak up
always
Correct word choice
and always
show examples
 improve. In conclusion,
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 you are a firm
belevier
Correct your spelling
believer
 or you
posses
Use the right word
possess
show examples
 a more
prograssive
Correct your spelling
progressive
mind set
Use the right word
mindset
show examples
, it is important to understand and accept the
situtaion
Correct your spelling
situation
 you are in, and
then
Linking Words
 try to improve it
Punctuation problem
, wheather
show examples
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
by seeking help with prayers to god or taking actual actions to
inahnce
Correct your spelling
enhance
 your
finacial
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financial
statues
Use the right word
status
show examples
.

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task
Make your view more clear at the end. Give strong reasons for both sides and give one clear own view. Use simple examples that fit the topic, and fix obvious spelling or grammar mistakes.
coherence
Make the essay easy to follow. Put ideas in a clear order. Use bridge words like first, next, also, but, however, in conclusion. Keep sentences short and on topic.
structure
The plan is visible: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Some good ideas about fate, belief, and action.
examples
There are examples used to back points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accepting
  • Bad situation
  • Unsatisfactory job
  • Shortage of money
  • Complacency
  • Lack of motivation
  • Improvement
  • Personal growth
  • Development
  • Temporary relief
  • Long-term dissatisfaction
  • Effort
  • Determination
  • Proactive
  • Mindset
  • Appropriate
  • Changed
  • Opportunities
  • Fulfillment
  • Balancing
  • Well-being
What to do next:
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