IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or blue whale. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is understandable that some people do not like the idea of spending
money
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 on disappearing animal
species
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, but those people need to understand that the
animals
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 preserve ecological balance, environmental diversity, a rich natural world, and with that
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money
Add a comma
money,
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 they
also
Linking Words
 ensure the continuity of biological studies. Whilst there are many reasons to justify
such
Linking Words
 a viewpoint, I do not entirely agree with it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, every
species
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 maintains a function in the ecological balance. The food chain can no longer work without
a
Correct article usage
apply
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certain
species
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 of
animals
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. Even the life of humans can be damaged, as the blue whale lives in the ocean, it reassures
balance
Correct article usage
the balance
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 struck over there, those waters remain the number one source of oxygen for the world. Without whales and other
animals
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 like tigers, we will feel the effect of
destabilization
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destabilisation
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 in the current tropical chain.
Secondly
Linking Words
, spending
money
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 on saving endangered animal
species
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 cannot be considered a waste, as it contributes to the biological research which ensures open studies and the continuity of a rich natural world. Extending life on our planet with the help of studies and maintaining
species
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 like the blue whale and the tiger
Punctuation problem
, who
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who
Fix the agreement mistake
which
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 represent their
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species
Check wording
species'
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 place and role in nature. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that saving endangered animal
species
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 means
money
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 thrown out the window, I do not agree
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 those
animals
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 keep our ecosystem
work
Replace the word
working
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 and ensure rich natural life
stabilizing
Change the spelling
stabilising
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 existence on our planet
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 their role being irreplaceable

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content/structure
Show a clear view in the intro and each body. Add 2-3 short examples that link to your idea. Fix any fact that is wrong or confusing.
language
Keep ideas simple and make one idea per sentence. Use short, clear sentences. Break long lines.
cohesion
Use simple links to connect ideas, like 'also', 'but', 'so'. End with a clear conclusion that restates your view.
accuracy
Be careful with fact. Some lines say the ocean gives more air than plants; reel in facts to fit the idea.
position
The writer shows a clear view that they do not fully agree with the idea to spend less on species.
structure
Intro, two body parts, and a conclusion are there.
evidence
Two examples are used (blue whale, tiger).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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