IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

‏In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How Can we deal with those Cause?

The number of criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 is increasing day by day in certain nations. The main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these illegal
activities
Use synonyms
 are poverty,
illetracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
level
Use synonyms
 and unemployment.
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 can take proper initiatives to solve these problems
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 free
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 and awareness through
campaign
Correct article usage
a campaign
show examples
. These causes will be discussed in detail
along with
Linking Words
 proper solutions. One of the main causes of
spreading
Wrong verb form
the spread
show examples
 of illegal
activities
Use synonyms
 on
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 scale is
less
Correct word choice
low
show examples
 income, because there are
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of individuals who are living
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
under
Change preposition
below
show examples
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
level
Use synonyms
. They are not even able to afford
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Use the right word
the
show examples
 basic
necessiaties
Correct your spelling
necessities
such
Linking Words
 as food, clothes and shelter. So, to complete these
needs
Punctuation problem
needs,
show examples
there are indulging
Wrong verb form
they indulge
show examples
 themselves in
unlawfaul
Correct your spelling
unlawful
 acts like
roberry
Correct your spelling
robbery
.
Thus
Linking Words
, above mentioned is one factor of rising in criminal offence. Another reason
of increment
Check wording
for the increase
show examples
 in criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 is not only
increasing
Wrong verb form
the increase
show examples
 in
illeteracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
level
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the availabiity
show examples
availabiity
Correct your spelling
availability
 of
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 job
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
as there are many families
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are unable to provide proper education facilities to their
children
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 less income
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
 in the
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
children
Punctuation problem
, children
show examples
 are not able to acquire a suitable job and
then
Linking Words
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their demands
Punctuation problem
. Children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
show examples
 themselves in bad
activities
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 as
shoplifters
Replace the word
shoplifting
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 the reason
of increasing
Replace the word
for the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 illegal
activities
Use synonyms
 in today's era. To mitigate these issues, authorities can take some steps. The first one is free education for
children
Use synonyms
 who are living
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
under unforeseen circumstances, so they would be able to get
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 to complete
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 needs.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they should organise a campaign facility in society to aware adults about the
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 of
involving
Replace the word
involvement
show examples
 in criminal
acitivies
Correct your spelling
activities
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 murder and theft
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of different reasons for instances
low
Change preposition
of low
show examples
 literacy
level
Use synonyms
 and
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 career
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
those
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
Check wording
problems infulence
show examples
infulence
Correct your spelling
influence
to
Correct word order
individuals to
show examples
 get
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
individuals
Correct word order
apply
show examples
in criminal offences
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 these
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 can be solved by higher authorities to provide free
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 to
children
Use synonyms
 and
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 through different campaign
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Fix spelling and grammar errors to make the text easier to read.
language
Use more simple and correct sentences; avoid long complex ones unless you can manage them.
structure
Better paragraphing: start with a clear topic sentence for each paragraph; keep one main idea per paragraph.
content
Give more concrete examples to support your points, like numbers or facts or simple cases.
structure
Make the conclusion stronger by restating the main points and giving a final thought.
language
Check spelling of key words: education, illiteracy, unemployment, government, campaign.
content
The essay shows a clear idea of causes and a plan to solve them.
structure
There is an attempt to structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
language
Some good use of linking words to connect ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime
  • cause
  • reason
  • rise
  • increase
  • money
  • job
  • work
  • pay
  • poor
  • low income
  • area
  • neighborhood
  • school
  • home
  • family
  • friends
  • learn
  • study
  • police
  • law
  • plan
  • fix
  • solve
  • program
  • help
  • support
  • community
  • young
  • people
  • sport
  • art
  • chance
  • future
  • hope
  • idea
  • time
  • together
  • city
  • prevent
  • safe
  • better
  • change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: