IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue?

Modern beauty
standards
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 portray women as slim as humanly possible; these
standards
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 are echoed tenfold across social
media
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.
This
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 essay aims to outline the drawbacks of
such
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 a mindset
as well as
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 provide a solution to
this
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 pressing issue.
Firstly
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, there are a host of demerits that these
standards
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 promote, ranging from adopting unsustainable diets to maintaining an unhealthy lifestyle. The diets promoted as losing weight quickly are particularly detrimental to a woman's
health
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.
For instance
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, some trends promote consuming only 1000 calories a day, when a healthy adult female requires at least 2000-2500 calories, depending on her physique and daily activity. Eating
such
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 a low amount of calories immediately disrupts a woman's hormonal cycle, which can lead to long-term
issues
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 like amenorrhea and fertility problems.
Moreover
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,
this
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 relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal significantly damages mental
health
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, contributing directly to rising rates of anxiety, depression, and clinical
body
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 dysmorphia among young women. A viable solution to the above-mentioned
issues
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 is through social
media
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 control and
body
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 positivity education. Social
media
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 influencers, celebrity figures should echo the messages of
body
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 positivity and sustainable, healthy fitness goals. Educational institutions should teach citizens about
body
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 dysmorphia, anorexia, and the root cause behind those
issues
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. Modules should include subjects on nutrition, physical
health
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, and mental well-being. Parents
also
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 have a duty in instilling
body
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 positive choices in their children and monitoring them closely for the aforementioned
issues
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. In conclusion, the relentless portrayal of an unnaturally slim ideal by modern
media
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 imposes significant
health
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 costs, driving many young women toward unsustainable diets and serious mental
health
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issues
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. Tackling
this
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 crisis requires a two-pronged strategy: implementing comprehensive educational modules on nutrition and
body
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 image in schools,
coupled with
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 requiring greater transparency and regulation from social
media
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 platforms to ensure they promote genuinely healthy and attainable
standards
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.

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structure
Make a clear plan. State your view in the intro with one clear sentence, then give three well-matched ideas in order.
content
Give more detail for each point. Use simple examples and explain why they matter.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit. Use 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example', 'in addition' to connect ideas.
conclusion
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view and your plan.
content
The intro shows the topic well and states the aim.
structure
The writer gives clear problems and a solution plan.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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