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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more parents are allowing their children to play games on computers and tablets as they think that children will learn technology skill. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

Gaming has become a popular trend amongst
children
Use synonyms
 . Some parents think that allowing their
children
Use synonyms
 to indulge in
such
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games
Use synonyms
 on computers would help them learn technological
skills
Use synonyms
 .
However
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, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
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 view has more repercussions than having advantages, which will be
further
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 discussed in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, parents who think
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 beneficial to permit their
children
Use synonyms
 to play
games
Use synonyms
 on various computer
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 are of the
beleifs
Correct your spelling
belief
 that it would increase their knowledge about
such
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 technology. Regular usage of
such
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 tools makes
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 handling easier. If
children
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 are exposed to
such
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 gadgets on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis in the
forms
Fix the agreement mistake
form
show examples
 of
games
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, it would increase their
curiousity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 to explore other applications or solve issues that they experience in the middle of the
games
Use synonyms
 by browsing solutions on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 videos to fix the errors. As
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it would help them to learn new
skills
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 and gain information on how to operate a laptop/ tablet.
In addition
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 to that, an earlier exposure to
such
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 technologies at
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age would make them more proficient in it at
later
Correct article usage
a later
show examples
 age .
This
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 can develop interest in
children
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 to learn more about it and pursue a career in that
domains
Fix the agreement mistake
domain
show examples
.
For instance
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 ,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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India
Add a comma
India,
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 many
children
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 are learning coding
skills
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 through online courses.
However
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,
this
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 change has certain drawbacks
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
increased
Change preposition
as increased
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 obesity and more academic setbacks. In terms of
obesity
Add a comma
obesity,
show examples
 computer
games
Use synonyms
 are very indulgent. As a
consquence
Correct your spelling
consequence
,
children
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 can
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such
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
play
games
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 for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 period of time
avoiding
Punctuation problem
, avoiding
show examples
 other forms of activities
such
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 as sports that are physically challenging .
This
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 negligence of
such
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 physical activities and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle can lead to weight gain. To give an example,
Reasearch
Correct your spelling
Research
 suggest
children
Use synonyms
 nowadays are more obese than those in older times owing to the introduction of gaming
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
.
Moreover
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,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 addictive game inventions can affect the focus and attention of
children
Use synonyms
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it slow to process things in their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
This
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 can affect
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 ability to read , write or study for longer periods .
This
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 will result in lower grades or even failing in subjects
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
causing a delay in academic progress. In conclusion, the negative consequences of
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 and obese
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and academic loss are far more adverse than the
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 outcomes of improved
skills
Use synonyms
 and career opportunities that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 with an increased allowance
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 playing
games
Use synonyms
 on computer screens.

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planning
Plan your essay with four parts: short intro that state your view, two body parts for pros and cons, and a short conclusion that restates your view.
language
Use easy grammar and short sentences. Check spelling and keep to basic words.
content
Give one clear example for each idea and say how it supports your point.
content
You show a clear view that the good side may not beat the bad side.
structure
There is a plan with an introduction, body and conclusion.
language
Some linking words help the flow of ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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