IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Australian household energy use water heating 30% heating 42% refrigeration 7% cooling 2% other appliances 15% lighting 4% Australian household greenhouse gas emissions heating 15% cooling 3% lighting 8% water heating 32% other appliances 28% refrigeration 14%

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Australian household energy use water heating 30% heating 42% refrigeration 7% cooling 2% other appliances 15% lighting 4% Australian household greenhouse gas emissions heating 15% cooling 3% lighting 8% water heating 32% other appliances 28% refrigeration 14%
The two pie charts compare how
energy
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 is used in an average Australian household and the proportion of greenhouse gas
emissions
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 produced by each category.
Overall
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, water heating contributes the most to both
energy
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use
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 and
emissions
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. Heating consumes the most
energy
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 but results in relatively lower
emissions
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,
while
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 other appliances and refrigeration produce more
emissions
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 relative to their
energy
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use
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. Heating accounts for 42% of
energy
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use
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 but only 15% of
emissions
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, suggesting it is less emission-intensive.
In contrast
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, water heating uses 30% of
energy
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 and contributes 32% of
emissions
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, making it the highest emitter. Other appliances consume 15% of household
energy
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 yet are responsible for 28% of
emissions
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, indicating low efficiency. Refrigeration uses 7% of
energy
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 but emits 14% of gases, again showing a disproportionate output. Cooling and lighting have the least impact. Cooling represents just 2% of
energy
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use
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 and 3% of
emissions
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,
while
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 lighting accounts for 4% in both areas. In summary, water heating and appliances are key emission sources,
while
Linking Words
 heating and cooling are relatively efficient.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, emissions, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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