THE GROWING NUMBER OF OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE IS PUTTING A STRAIN ON THE HEALTH CARE SYSTEM IN AN EFFORT TO DEAL WITH THE HEALTH ISSUE INVOLVED. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE BESY WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM IS TO INTRODUCE MORE PHYSICAL EDUCATION LESSIONS IN THE SCHOOL CURRICULUM. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

In recent years, a growing number of overweight

people

Use synonyms

is putting a huge strain on the health care systems. Some

people

Use synonyms

think that the best way to deal with

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is to focus more on physical

education

Use synonyms

lessons

Use synonyms

in the school curriculum,

whereas

Linking Words

there is an opposing argument. In my opinion, I do not fully agree with the first notion. I believe that before we concentrate on physical

education

Use synonyms

lessons

Use synonyms

, we should spread

awareness

Use synonyms

of why and how to avoid

obesity

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

with, the main focus to solve

this

Linking Words

issue is to spread

awareness

Use synonyms

among

people

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In other words

Linking Words

, we should teach students how our body, brain, heart, bones, and other organs function properly in the first place. Teaching them that and highlighting the role our eating and moving habits can play

to determine

Change preposition

in determining

show examples

our

overall

Linking Words

health is crucial.

This

Linking Words

makes them aware of the importance of moving their

boday

Correct your spelling

body

and eating healthy, whether inside or outside school. Schools should teach students to have long-term healthy habits to avoid

overweight

Verb problem

being overweight

show examples

and other health-related issues as much as possible. That being said, now it is the proper time after spreading

awareness

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to introduce physical and

food

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education

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lessons

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. It is possible to say that when students become aware of the causes of

obesity

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, they will be more willing to cooperate with teachers to engage more in

moveing

Correct your spelling

moving

and eating

education

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lessons

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. Introducing

such

Linking Words

lecutres

Correct your spelling

lectures

and

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

them mandatory to learn and practice can significantly reduce overweight issue.

This

Linking Words

can teach children to build good habits, which over time,

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

reduces

Wrong verb form

reduce

show examples

overweight issues.

For example

Linking Words

, most Japanese schools have physical and

food

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eating lectures for all ages, and

as a result

Linking Words

, they are one of the countries

Rephrase

where that

show examples

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

obesity

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rate is at

the

Correct article usage

show examples

minimum. In conclusion, I do not completely agree that introducing only physical

education

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lessons

Use synonyms

in the school curriculum is the best way to deal with overweight

people

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. I tend to believe that

spreding

Correct your spelling

spreading

awareness

Use synonyms

of why we should exercise and consume

nutrisious

Correct your spelling

nutritious

food

Use synonyms

Linking Words

Along with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

adding

Fix capitalization

Adding

show examples

more physical and

food

Use synonyms

education

Use synonyms

lessons

Use synonyms

can help prevent

obesity

Use synonyms

rates from increasing.

Asma

Oct 10, 2025

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task

Plan your essay well. State your view at the start and say what you will talk about in short.

structure

Keep one idea per paragraph. Use a clear topic sentence to start each paragraph.

coherence

Link ideas with simple connect words like first, also, but, so. Show cause and effect.

grammar

Check your spelling and grammar. Simple mistakes make meaning hard to follow.

language

Use easy words. Do not use long or tricky words.

idea

You take a clear view that awareness should come before PE.

structure

You try to link awareness with PE as a plan for change.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

352 words

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