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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows the percentage of government spending on education and training and the participation of 18-24 year old in five countries in 2012.

The table shows the percentage of government spending on education and training and the participation of 18-24 year old in five countries in 2012.
The table compares five European
countries
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countries'
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 expenditure on education and training, and the
participation
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rate
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 of people aged 18–24 in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, Slovenia had the highest spending
rate
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 on studying and training,
while
Linking Words
poland
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Poland
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 recorded the significant
participation
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 among young adults.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 Romania had the lowest
rate
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 of
participation
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even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 though
having
Wrong verb form
it had
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 a moderate level of government expenditure. In detail, Slovenia allocated 25% of its budget to education and training, which was the highest among the five countries, followed by Hungary with 13%. Romania and the Czech Republic spent slightly less, at 10% and 9% respectively.
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
apply
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Poland had the smallest expenditure percentage of only 5%. Regarding
participation
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, Poland led with 44% of young people included in education and training programs. Slovenia
also
Linking Words
 had a relatively high
participation
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rate
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 at 40%. Hungary ranked third with 34%, whilst the Czech Republic 27% and Romania
23
Punctuation problem
, 23
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% had the lowest
participation
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 levels.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participation, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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