IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Today many people work until a later age. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

THERE IS NO DENYING THE FACT THAT THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE HAVE LONG-TERM
OCCUPATION
Punctuation problem
OCCUPATION,
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THAT
Correct word choice
WHICH
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 MEANS THEY
WORK
Use synonyms
 TILL THEY
BECAME
Wrong verb form
BECOME
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 OLD. THE MAIN QUESTION IS DO THE PROS OF
THIS
Linking Words
 TREND OUTCOME THE CONS! WITH REGARD TO THE ADVANTAGES, WORKING UNTIL
THE OLD
Correct determiner usage
old
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AGE
Use synonyms
PROVIDE
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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FAINANTIAL ENSURANCE FOR
Correct your spelling
financial assurance for
 THE FAMILIES. WHICH CAN ENSURE YOUR FAMILY LIFE.
FOR EXAMPLE
Linking Words
, MY DAD
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 HE STARTED WORKING FROM A YOUNG
AGE
Use synonyms
 AND
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 HE STILL WORKING ,WHICH OFFERS A GENEROUS LIFE FOR US.
IN ADDITION
Linking Words
, WASTING THE TIME DOING SOMTHING OR WORKING, IS THE BEST WAY TO
FEAT
Verb problem
face
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THE DEPRESSION
Correct determiner usage
depression
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Punctuation problem
. Moreover
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MOREOVER
Linking Words
,
TO DO NOT
Verb problem
not
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 OPEN THE WAY TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING MIGHT, STRESS YOU.
THEREFORE
Linking Words
, I CONCUR THAT COMPLETING YOUR LIFE WORKING OR DOING YOUR HABITS IS SIGNIFICANTLY BENEFICIAL FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. IN TERMS OF THE DISADVANTAGES, WORKING TILL OLD
AGE
Use synonyms
 MIGHT BE STRESSFUL AND BORING FOR SOME
PERSONALITY
Check wording
people
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, SO IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON
IT
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 SELF IF HE USED TO
WORK
Use synonyms
 HARD AND IT IS OKAY FOR HIM OR NOT.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, MY MOM HAS A
PRESPECTIVE
Correct your spelling
PERSPECTIVE
 THAT SHE CAN
WORK
Use synonyms
 UNTIL 45 AND SHE PLAN TO
SPENT
Wrong verb form
SPEND
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 THE REST OF HER
Use synonyms
AGE
Check wording
LIFE
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 WITH HER FAMILY. TO NUTSHELL, IT
DEPENTS
Correct your spelling
DEPENDS
OF
Change preposition
ON
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 THE PERSONALITY AND ON THE PERSON IF HE HAS
THE
Correct article usage
apply
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ENERGY TO ALLOCATE SOME OF HIS TIME
AT
Change preposition
TO
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WORK
Use synonyms
OF
Use the right word
OR
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 NOT.

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structure
Make a clear plan: a short intro, two or three body ideas with clear links, and a simple ending.
development
Give a full view of each idea: explain why it helps or harms.
examples
Use more real examples with a short detail, like a date or age, to show when it happens.
coherence
Use small link words to join ideas: and, but, also, so, however, then.
content
You mention money and family life as a reason to work long time.
personal
You show a personal touch by giving your own family examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • experience
  • skills
  • benefit
  • employers
  • colleagues
  • active
  • healthy
  • physically
  • mentally
  • social
  • connections
  • relationships
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • financial
  • reasons
What to do next:
Look at other essays: