IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Parents should not pressure their children to choose a particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose a career path they like. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Younger ones should have the right to decide which occupation to go into, and they should not be forced by their caretaker to study certain fields. I strongly believe that allowing children to make certain decisions without the interference of their older ones would make the child do better in their field of choice and have good chances of succeeding in their profession.
Firstly
Linking Words
, children tend to do better because they have
passion
Correct article usage
a passion
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 what they are doing, and would put more effort into it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they have more chances in their career progression because their mental health is at peace.
For example
Linking Words
, those who are forced to study medicine end up dropping out of school
due to
Linking Words
 academic pressure and lack of interest in what they are taught.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 leads to more dropouts in a society, increasing crime rates.
Additionally
Linking Words
, depression and suicidal thoughts set in in some individuals, which would lead to an increase in psychiatric patients, making loved ones spend money on therapy.
This
Linking Words
does
Verb problem
apply
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not only
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the child's health
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 increases the financial burden on the caregivers.
For example
Linking Words
, medical school can be very challenging, most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
only
Fix capitalization
Only
show examples
 50% of students are able to pass an exam because of the bulk of study. Imagine having to read 1000 pages and only getting 2 questions out of those pages. In conclusion, Parents should not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
force their children to choose a field, as
this
Linking Words
 may lead to regrets
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day.

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task response
Your view is clear. To raise the score, add a short opening that says what you will talk about.
coherence
Put each idea in its own paragraph. Start with a sentence that says the point.
coherence
Explain each idea more. Give one or two easy examples that fit well.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use short sentences and common words.
conclusion
Finish with a strong end that restates your view.
task response
You show a clear view that young people decide their own path.
coherence
The essay uses examples to back up ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • career autonomy
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • self-discovery
  • mentorship
  • job market evolution
  • societal expectations
  • family reputation
  • individual growth
  • innovation
  • projecting ambitions
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