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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia.

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia.
The pie charts illustrate the variations in terms of the marital situations between
Canadian
Replace the word
Canadians
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
Australian
Use the right word
Australians
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
separated
Correct article usage
the separated
show examples
 but not divorced
population
Use synonyms
 of Canada dominates the proportion,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of married
people
Use synonyms
 is the largest share in Australia.
By contrast
Linking Words
, divorced citizens account for the lowest proportion in Canada,
whereas
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no
Use synonyms
Australian
Use the right word
Australians
show examples
 who are same sex marriage. With regard to
Canadian
Replace the word
Canada
show examples
, the share of separated but not divorced
population
Use synonyms
 is the largest, with 53%, closely followed by the married
population
Use synonyms
(29%),
while
Linking Words
 the divorced
people
Use synonyms
 occupy the minimal percentage, at1%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the proportions of
people
Use synonyms
 who are widowed and never married are equal, reaching 7%.
Homosexual
Correct article usage
The homosexual
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 takes up 3%. In terms of
Use synonyms
Australian
Use the right word
Australia
show examples
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of married
people
Use synonyms
 is dominant, reaching 46%, closely followed by separated but not divorced
people
Use synonyms
 (41%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, the share of divorced
Use synonyms
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
 is the lowest, at 2%. In Australia, the percentage of widowed citizens and
single
Fix the agreement mistake
singles
show examples
 are close to each other, with 6% and 5%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australian, population, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • married
  • single
  • never married
  • divorced
  • widowed
  • Canada
  • Australia
  • pie chart
  • share
  • part
  • percentage
  • largest
  • smallest
  • many
  • most
  • more
  • less
  • same
  • different
  • both
  • also
  • but
  • and
  • in contrast
  • overall
  • pattern
  • trend
  • reason
  • cause
  • because
  • due to
  • people
  • age
  • culture
  • society
  • explain
  • compare
  • conclude
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