IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe people should have the freedom to choose activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the past years, the issue of dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 has been widely debated. It is argued that dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 should be banned,
while
Linking Words
 I strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 to choose their
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 in appropriate situations. I will discuss the reasons in the following paragraphs. One of the main reasons is that dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 improve
people
Use synonyms
’s confidence. When the individuals attempt to accomplish their target, they could obtain their
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sense of achievement,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to get positive rewards. Meanwhile, the dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 could bring
unique
Correct article usage
a unique
show examples
 experience which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the participants
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
feel
not similar
Correct word choice
different
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
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 others,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 could foster more confidence.
For instance
Linking Words
,
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 indicates that more than half of
people
Use synonyms
 feel enjoyable and comfortable.
Moreover
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
 have more bravery to complete their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and tasks. On the whole, the extreme sport could enhance the public’s mental health. Admittedly, it is undeniable that the dangerous activities have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
damage
Verb problem
to cause damage
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 are defined by their thrilling nature and
inherently
Verb problem
are inherently
show examples
 dangerous.
Consequently
Linking Words
, for the purpose of challenging their limitation, the participants would face the dangerous environment without safety equipment.
For example
Linking Words
, recent research demonstrates that more than 50% accidental events
associated
Verb problem
are associated
show examples
 with
people
Use synonyms
 neglecting correct
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 in order to pursue their challenges and competitiveness. On the whole,
those
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
sports
Use synonyms
 have some negative impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s daily lives. In conclusion, I firmly agree that individuals have the freedom to decide the extreme activities in
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 situations. Some groups of the public overlook the drawbacks
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue,
while
Linking Words
 I don’t consider that the dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 should be banned.

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task response
Your essay shows a view and you talk about both sides. To be better, state your view in the first line and keep it clear. Add more facts or examples to back up each idea. End with a clear and short conclusion that restates your view.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas with easy joining words. Each paragraph should have one main idea. Use simple phrases like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'. Check that your sentences are not too long and use one idea per sentence where you can.
task response
You show a clear view that danger sports can be allowed with safety.
coherence
You use some linking words to join ideas, and you give both sides.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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