IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health Others believe that governments should make sure that citizen is healthy. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Over the past decades, the awareness of
the the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 in general
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 growing gradually. Many people think that each
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 is responsible for
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
Use synonyms
health
Punctuation problem
health,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 some of them believe that it is one of the major responsibilities of the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
responsibilty
Check wording
apply
show examples
to maintain a healthy level in every aspect of the country. In my perspective, I firmly believe that it is the individual's responsibility
of taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
 care of him self and will discuss that in
this
Linking Words
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
. On the first hand, in
this
Linking Words
 modern world, people are more independent and deep thinkers. Since the majority are living in the cities, they have the opportunity to choose their lifestyle the way they wish.
For instance
Linking Words
, many employees and workers are jogging every day before they head to their workplace. No matter what kind of job they are pursuing, they can
mange
Use the right word
manage
show examples
 their time to do some exercise and prepare a healthy meal
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 night before. In the current free world, every citizen can choose how healthy
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be. On the
second
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 hand,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 are playing a substantial role
to provide
Change preposition
in providing
show examples
 a healthy environment that encourages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to maintain a stable
health
Use synonyms
. For illustration,
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
 are expecting a variety of facilities with services
such
Linking Words
 as parks, lakeyards,
walking friendly
Use the right word
walking-friendly
show examples
 downtowns and affordable gyms in the common areas.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I argue that each person is fully responsible for his own
health
Use synonyms
, since
his
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
 is the controller and the decision maker.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 can
also
Linking Words
 have an impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the country's
health
Use synonyms
 level
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not as much as some people say.

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task response
You state a clear view that people must look after their own health. Add more strong reasons and clear facts or examples to back them up.
structure
Make a plan. Use one idea per paragraph. Have a short intro and a short end.
coherence
Use the right form for two sides: 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'. Watch small slips like 'first hand' or 'second hand'.
grammar
Spelling and grammar need work. Check words like 'government', 'responsibility', and other wrong spellings.
lexicon
Use short, simple sentences. This makes ideas clear and easy to follow.
strength
Clear view and goal
strength
Some real life examples used (jogging, parks)
strength
Effort to discuss both sides

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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