IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people see animals as tools to be used by humans to better their lives. They believe animals should help feed us and keep us healthy by being subjects to experiments that will lead to new medications and medical processes. Others believe that animals should have the same rights to a good life as humans. Discuss both views and state your own.

Some
people
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 consider
animals
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 as tools to enhance their lives.
Also
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, they must be subjects in laboratories for experiments to keep
people
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 healthy.
While
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 others argue that
animals
Use synonyms
 are creatures which have the same right to live a good life as
humans
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from two perspectives, and
then
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 I will express my opinion. On the one hand, some argue that
humans
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 have the total right to use
animals
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 as utilities to serve their interests. Throughout history,
people
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 used
animals
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 a help with their work.
For instance
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, farmers use bulls in agricultural activities.
In addition
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, horses and donkeys are usually used as a transport traveling.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 see
animals
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 as subjects to test medicine on them rather than try it first on
humans
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. They are claimed that
this
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 procedure is better to save humanity.
On the other hand
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, avocets argue that
this
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 development is not fair for
animals
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, as these creatures have the same right to live as
humans
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.
Furthermore
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, from our duties as
humans
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 to save our earth is to save its resources; without doubt,
animals
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 are one of the most crucial resources for
people
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.
Animals
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 are the basic source of meat, milk, eggs, and leather. So, if
people
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 are tolerant of consuming
animals
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 as food or being a test subject for their medication,
animals
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 might become extinct on Earth. In conclusion, there are many
people
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 who see
animals
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 as a means to better their lives.
Also
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, there are groups that argue
this
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 perspective and call for reducing the use of
animals
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 as an inexhaustible resource.
However
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, from my own perspective, I tend to believe that
animals
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 should be considered as a pivot source of food, and they are important creatures for maintaining the balance of the ecosystem, and the consumption of their meat or milk should be moderate.
Furthermore
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, medical experiments on
animals
Use synonyms
 should be under government oversight and are strictly limited.

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coherence
Use clear topic lines for each paragraph and show how ideas are linked with simple links like and, but, also, then.
coherence
Make a clear view in the start and restate it in the end to show strong plan.
content
Give more facts or clear examples for each view and show why they matter in life.
grammar
Fix mistakes in words. Do not use 'avocets' here; use 'some people' or 'others'.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion, which show a full answer.
content
The writer shows both sides of the topic.
content
Some real examples are used, like farming and moving by horse.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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