IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Formal examinations are the only effective way to assess a student's performance. Continual assessment such as course work and projects is not a satisfactory way to do this. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? In what other ways can the assessment of a child be done?

It is becoming increasingly common to see many
officers
Use synonyms
 retire and leave. In my view, there are some reasons for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. The first reason is that the
salary
Use synonyms
 of being
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
a police
show examples
 officer is low. In some developing countries,
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 are paid the minimum wage. They can only live
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 moderate way. As they build a family,
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 cannot cover their needs. By knowing
this
Linking Words
 amount of
salary
Use synonyms
, many
people
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 do not want to become a cop. So, when the senior
cops
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 retire, it is so hard to find a replacement to do the service. The second reason is the actual risk. Many
people
Use synonyms
 registered as
cops
Use synonyms
, but they did not realise the risks they would take.
Thus
Linking Words
, they only want to be seen as cool
police
Use synonyms
 with the uniform and a gun. As they do the actual job, it damages their mental health.
For example
Linking Words
,
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 need to rescue some students that being kidnapped, but somehow their friends are being shot and die.
This
Linking Words
 experience affects their mental and behavioural. They are being traumatised by seeing a gun or a place that can remind them of the tragedy.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
cops
Use synonyms
 give up on their jobs as they cannot take the damage anymore. The third reason is the schedule. Being a
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 mean having to do patrolling, investigating and maintaining the public order. By having these job desks,
cops
Use synonyms
 do not have more time for themselves.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are burning out. It makes them easily stressed. In order to maintain a balanced work life,
cops
Use synonyms
 give up on their jobs and try to find other careers.
However
Linking Words
, the phenomenon of a decrease in the
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 in active service affects society. It will make the number of criminals increase. Many
people
Use synonyms
 will feel unsafe going everywhere.
This
Linking Words
 feeling
also
Linking Words
 affects the economy as many stores will get robbed, and
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid to visit some recreational places. In conclusion, the number of
cops
Use synonyms
 in service is decreasing because of the
salary
Use synonyms
, actual risks and schedule. It is better for the government to consider these reasons for
cops
Use synonyms
 leaving, as
this
Linking Words
 tragedy will impact society.

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Task Response
The answer shows some view and three main ideas. To raise task response, add more clear talk on the ask. Tell if you agree or not and give a plan for how to help the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Hold the ideas in clear steps. Use one idea per paragraph with a short topic sentence. Use more linking words to show cause and effect.
Language Use
Fix grammar and word choice so the sense is clear. Use simple form and accurate words. Check spelling and use 'a police officer', 'retire', 'job' not 'cop'.
Structure
Add a short final line that restates your view. A clear end helps readers see your point.
Content
The writer lists three reasons for retirement.
Organization
The essay uses basic linking words like 'however' and 'consequently'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exam
  • test
  • measure
  • score
  • mark
  • standard
  • fair
  • bias
  • time
  • pressure
  • think
  • write
  • speak
  • present
  • project
  • work
  • learn
  • progress
  • feedback
  • task
  • explain
  • understand
  • knowledge
  • skill
  • group
  • grade
  • report
  • diary
  • journal
  • check
  • idea
  • answer
  • plan
  • improve
  • practice
  • student
  • teacher
  • school
  • assess
What to do next:
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