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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in 6 countries.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in 6 countries.
The data table depicts the underground
railway
Use synonyms
 transportation of six countries
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 their
route
Use synonyms
 in kilometres and passengers in
millions
Use synonyms
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with their opening date.
Overall
Linking Words
, among the six countries,
London
Use synonyms
 has the oldest
railway
Use synonyms
 network,
where
Correct word choice
while
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Los Angeles has the latest.
However
Linking Words
, regarding carrying passengers, Tokyo holds the highest number
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 Kyoto carries the lowest.
London
Use synonyms
 started tunnel rail in 1863
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
394
Correct article usage
a 394
show examples
(
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Km
.)
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 travel
route
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 on
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 it carries 775
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 people per
year
Use synonyms
. The second
next old
Correct word choice
oldest
show examples
railway
Use synonyms
held
Wrong verb form
was established
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by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Paris
estublished
Verb problem
apply
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in 1900. The
lenght
Correct your spelling
length
 of
Use synonyms
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
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route
Use synonyms
 of Paris is almost half
of
Correct determiner usage
that of
show examples
London
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 199
(
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Km
)
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 but it carries more passengers than
London
Use synonyms
carries
Verb problem
does
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Tokyo has the third longest rail
route
Use synonyms
, the highest number of
passangers
Correct your spelling
passengers
 travels through it- on average 1927 million per
year
Use synonyms
. Kyoto has the smallest
route
Use synonyms
, only 11
kilometre
Fix the agreement mistake
kilometres
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 with a minimal
passergers carring
Correct your spelling
passenger carrying
 record- only 45
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 per
year
Use synonyms
. The second smallest
railway
Use synonyms
 belongs to Los Angeles,
estublished
Correct your spelling
established
 in the most recent in 2001 and through it 50
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 people are travelling every
year
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Washington
DC
Punctuation problem
, DC
show examples
 built
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 rail
route
Use synonyms
 in
1976
Punctuation problem
1976,
show examples
 where 144
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people can travel in a
year
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, route, millions, london, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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