IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education and every school should include them in its syllabus.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is no denying the fact that
theorical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
subjects
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 are crucial in education
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such
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, such
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 as
pratical
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practical
 and
scientefic
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scientific
subjects
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.
While
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 there are some people
argue
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who argue
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 that some
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subjects
show examples
subject
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subject,
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such
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Use synonyms
art
Change preposition
as art
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,
music
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,
creartive
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creative
 writing, and drama are play
Correct article usage
a pivot
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pivot
Replace the word
pivotal
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 role in education
;
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,
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 and
theses
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these
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subjects
Use synonyms
 should be included in
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school's
Check wording
schools'
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curiculims
Correct your spelling
curricula
.There is
also
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 an argument
opposites
Replace the word
opposing
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 it.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic
then
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 I will express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that
art
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 is one of the most significant
subjects
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,
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 to express students'
theirselfs
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themselves
.
In other words
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,
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
 like considering as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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creative writing, drama, and
art
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are
Verb problem
apply
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play a crucial role in
enform
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forming
 students'
personality
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personalities
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. It
is allow
Wrong verb form
allows
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 them to express what they are feeling.
Also
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,
its
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it's
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 making them more
awearness
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aware
about
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of
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others
Check wording
others'
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 perspectives.
for example
Linking Words
, engaging pupils in
Use synonyms
music
Correct article usage
a music
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 crew in
school
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 with people from different background cultures, letting them
feeling of
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 the other. Another point to consider, schools are not just a place that source of absorbing knowledge, schools are an important
places
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place
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of explore
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for exploring
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students
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students'
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 passions and
express
Wrong verb form
expressing
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 themselves.
Moreover
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, the theory of multiple intelligences, which emerged in the
last
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 century, aims primarily to classify human intelligence into at least eight types, including musical intelligence.
For instance
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, if a student has a high intelligence in
music
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, and he
studying
Verb problem
is studying
show examples
 at
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
a school
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 where not offer
no
Rephrase
apply
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music
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 in their curriculum.
This
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 statement could lead
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to hate
school
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. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I tend to believe that
subjects
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 like
art
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,
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apply
show examples
amd
Correct your spelling
and
music
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 are crucial as scientific
subjects
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.
In addition
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, schools should offer these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
There are many spell and word form mistakes that make the text hard to read.
grammar
Use short and clear sentences. One idea in each line helps a lot.
structure
Aim for a clear plan: one main idea in each paragraph and a simple topic sentence to start it.
content
Give a simple, real example to back each idea that shows why art helps in school.
conclusion
Finish with a short line that states your view again.
punctuation
Check punctuation and capital letters so the text looks neat.
opinion
You show that you agree with the need for art in school.
content
You note that art can help self expression and thinking about others.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Curricula
  • Foster creativity
  • Emotional development
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Historical perspectives
  • Enhance academic performance
  • Communication
  • Employability
  • Soft skills
  • Problem-solving
  • Mental health
  • Stress reduction
  • Cultural appreciation
  • Diverse cultures
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Self-expression
  • Holistic education
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