IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many children today are overweight and unhealthy. Give the reasons for this and give solutions to solve the problem.

The world
,
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apply
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 and society have greatly changed, especially how
children
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 live. Many
children
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today
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 are unhealthy.
This
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 is because they suffer from being overweight.
This
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 essay will examine the
reasons
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 for
this
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 and provide solutions to solve
this
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 problem . On the one hand, there are many
reasons
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 that are responsible for child obesity.
Firstly
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, one of the main
reasons
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 that
children
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 are overweight is
because
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that
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 they eat far too much junk
food
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 . These foods contain incredibly high amounts of fat ,oil and calories.
Secondly
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,
today
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many
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, many
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 kids eat more than they should and do not stick to a calorie deficit.
As a result
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, it
then
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 increases their fat and
weight
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.
Moreover
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, it is a fact that in society
today
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, unhealthy
food
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 is more affordable.
Finally
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,
children
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today
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 do not exercise. Young people spend far too many hours playing video games
and
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, and
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 are not active
On the other hand
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 , there are several excellent solutions
fo
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to
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 fix
this
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 problem. First
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,
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children
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 should stick to a calorie deficit , which means eating a specific amount of calories per day. By doing so, it will prevent gaining
weight
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 and maintain stability in a healthy manner.
Also
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 , eating
proper
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proper,
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 nutritious
food
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 is another important solution. Diet
food
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 will allow the child to eat a certain portion of
food
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 . It will keep the body balanced and
also
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 lose
weight
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.
Finally
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, one of the most significant things kids can do is to exercise . By doing exercise
not
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, not
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 only will they lose
weight
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, but
also
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 improve their body's function. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are several
reasons
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 to explain why
children
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 are overweight
,
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apply
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and
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,
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therefore
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unhealthy
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, unhealthy
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.
However
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, there are many solutions available to help young people who suffer from obesity.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with an intro that tells the topic and view. Then two body parts on causes and two on solutions. Finish with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple grammar. Check subject and verb in each sentence. Use short, clear sentences.
content
Be clear in ideas. Name foods and exercises. Give numbers if you can, like how many hours of activity.
coherence
Use linking words to show flow, like also, but, and, so, then. Keep them simple.
structure
The topic is clear and the essay tries to discuss causes and solutions.
coherence
Some linking words are used to show order.
content
The writer tries to address task and shows a plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • behave
  • better
  • punished
  • rewarded
  • believe
  • effective
  • arguing
  • immediately
  • unwanted
  • fear
  • pain
  • good
  • actions
  • praise
  • treated
  • learn
  • positive
  • feedback
  • happy
  • feel
  • repeat
  • future
  • create
  • problems
  • rather
  • learn
  • wrong
  • caught
What to do next:
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