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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the level of air pollution in five different countries. Summurize the informationn by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart shows the level of air pollution in five different countries. Summurize the informationn by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The graph depicts the amount of
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
 in
PPM
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 electricity generation, transport and industry in four individual countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, China has the highest
pollution
Use synonyms
 of
air
Use synonyms
 in all three categories,
whereas
Linking Words
 Australia has the lowest.
However
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 USA and Japan's
pollution
Use synonyms
 rate is not
enough satisfactory
Correct word order
satisfactory enough
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, China has
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 rank in all sectors
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 among them industry (80
PPM
Use synonyms
)
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
 the most
air
Use synonyms
 disruption in
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 transportation and electricity
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
PPM
Correct your spelling
PPMs
 are 70 and near 60
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the USA hold the second position in terms of
pollution
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 in
transport
Correct article usage
the transport
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
. For the USA, vehicles create around 60
PPM
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is only 10
PPM
Use synonyms
 less than
that is
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China does. Japan's
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 rate is
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 than
America
Check wording
America's
show examples
.
ForJapan
Correct your spelling
In Japan
, industry is responsible for the
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Australia produce the
less
Replace the word
least
show examples
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the three
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 each sectors
pollution
Use synonyms
 rate is not above 20
PPM
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pollution, air, ppm with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Air pollution level
  • Country-specific data
  • Highest/lowest levels
  • Overall trend
  • Significant differences
  • Industrialization
  • Population density
  • Environmental regulations
  • Emissions
  • Comparative analysis
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