IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the current
modernized
Change the spelling
modernised
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 era, people are increasingly concerned about
children
Use synonyms
's
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apply
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character and building a strong personality. Many people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 's free
time
Use synonyms
 should be managed wisely by their guardians.
While
Linking Words
 others
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 think that each
child
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 the right to practice what he or she
like
Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
show examples
 to do. 
This
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 essay will discuss both views and will explain my opinion. On the one hand, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, fathers and/or mothers are educating
them selves
Use the right word
themselves
show examples
 about parenting through reading knowledgeable psychology books in order to understand all
kind
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kinds
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 of behavioural issues. Giving them the privilege
for
Change preposition
of
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 choosing their
kids
Check wording
kids'
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 leisure
time
Use synonyms
 activities.
For instance
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, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 supportive parents behind every successful basketball player. Since basketball is
an
Correct article usage
a
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compititve
Correct your spelling
competitive
 sport that normally will be chosen by the parents.
Moreover
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, basketball is
a
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apply
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highly recommended for
children
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 with intense physical activity.
On the other hand
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, nowadays,
children
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's desires are changing in an unexpected way. The majority of parents are not aware of what will please their
child
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. Since they were born free, they have the right to choose their hobby, lifestyle and
as well as
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 their free
time
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 activities. For illustration, giving the trust to the
child
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 will build him a strong personality and
inhance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 his leadership skills.
Furthermore
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, he will feel free
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they will raise the most successful and happy
child
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.
To sum up
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, in
this
Linking Words
 world, some humans
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 that making the wise choice is typically controlling
kids
Check wording
kids'
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 desires, others
are
Verb problem
apply
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oppose that. From my perspective, I totally agree with the first statement that every parent
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 responsible for their
child
Use synonyms
's free
time
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay first. State both views, then give your own view. Keep a clear order.
cohesion
Use short, simple sentences. Check you glue ideas with easy links.
content
Give one clear example for each main point. Make it easy and fast to read.
grammar
Be careful with grammar and spelling. Use the same tense.
tone
Keep a formal tone and avoid big words.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the topic.
tone
The writer gives an opinion at the end.
content
There is an attempt to give example ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
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