IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere . to what extent do you agree or disagree

Many people believe that rather than spending revenue on artistic work ,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because the money used on arts
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 preserving history and expanding tourism
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
which,
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 leads to income .  
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
 the one hand ,
art
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 galleries are built to show historical creativity and past important events . Museums and libraries contain pictures , models and so on to convey information to
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation about the achievements of their nation . It is
viable
Correct article usage
a viable
show examples
 way to ensure that youth remain connected to their
roots
Punctuation problem
roots,
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
 reason to maintain
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 beautiful work .It is often noticeable that numerous artistic work has their significant value and a story behind that
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is always posted under these valuable things
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
show examples
 a convenient source of information . For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, Schools in India often take their students to visit museums or galleries in order to gather knowledge about their culture and history . The role of tourism is notable .Tourists from all over the world show their keen interest in
art
Use synonyms
 and craft
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one 's land . They usually like to explore the
art
Use synonyms
 and visit these buildings all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. A significant amount of ticket fees
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 imposed as an entry
fees
Fix the agreement mistake
fee
show examples
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to a feasible source of income for
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
which,
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 can be
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 affairs of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 . A good amount is
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on maintaining the
art
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is returning to
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 form
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it a win-win for both ends .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
Taj
Correct article usage
the Taj
show examples
mahal
Fix capitalization
Mahal
show examples
 in India is
piece
Correct article usage
a piece
show examples
 of beauty and
art
Use synonyms
 ,
revenue
Correct article usage
the revenue
show examples
 made from its
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 is more than its maintenance . In conclusion ,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
Use synonyms
Government's
Correct article usage
the Government's
show examples
 Expenditure on
art
Use synonyms
 cannot be neglected , it is coming back in a way that could be used on other possible areas of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
. I
am
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not agree with
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opinion that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should stop spending on the arts.

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organization
Improve structure by using a clear plan: short intro with a clear view, 2 body paragraphs with one main idea each, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, first, also, but, however, finally).
grammar
Fix grammar and keep sentences short. Watch verb form and subject-verb agreement.
content
Give more precise explain of how the art gives money and how the example shows this.
strength
Clear view is shown from the start, and the writer uses examples.
strength
An idea about art and tourism shows link to money.
strength
Some real life example is used (India, Taj Mahal).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
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