IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"Nowadays, people spend a large amount of their time on mobile phones. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?" or "Some people believe that using smartphones brings more benefits than drawbacks, while others think it has more negative effects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

Currently, most of the global population spends a significant amount of
time
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 using their mobile
phones
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,
due to
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 which we save
time
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 on different tasks that in the past were done manually. Different social media apps are the most popular among people because they help communicate with others around the world and provide content that interests individuals. Another reason for
this
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 is that smartphones give us access to more useful information with just one click.
Firstly
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,
phones
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 are really useful for finding appropriate information faster than going to a library, searching for a book where you might find what you need, and
then
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 taking notes from it. If we
use
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 all those sources correctly, we can uncover our hidden talents more quickly and
then
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 proceed to develop them. We can
also
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 teach ourselves different skills that
in
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, in
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 the
future
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future,
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 could give us more opportunities.
For example
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, sites like Duolingo and Elsa can teach us a language from scratch, which can lead to a raise in salary in a future job. Not only that, we can
use
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 social media apps to communicate with our loved ones from all over the world without waiting a long
time
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.
On the other hand
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, spending too much
time
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 on our
phones
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 can create dependence and cause our brains to atrophy.
For instance
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,
while
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 watching some content on different social media platforms, we often do not
realize
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realise
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 how much
time
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 we waste,
memorizing
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memorising
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 useless facts and slang that diminishes our vocabulary.
Also
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, when using ChatGPT, sometimes we do not think critically and just copy-paste the answers it gives, sometimes even without reviewing them. All of
this
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 can weaken our memory, which can result in neurological diseases. From my point of view, using mobile
phones
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 has more negative impacts than positive ones, which are especially noticeable among young people.
While
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 adults do not
use
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phones
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 as much, teens are always on their
phones
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, and they have stopped thinking for themselves, often simply typing questions to get instant answers.
This
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 can diminish their memory and talents, which are essential for their future in society. In conclusion, we should learn to
use
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 our
phones
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smarter
Replace the word
smartly
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 to accomplish something bigger in our development. Even though most of the population spends their
time
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 watching things on their gadgets, they should never forget to live in the present with their friends and family.

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task response
More on both sides: give equal space to both views and end with a clear, strong own view.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences in each paragraph and a short, clear final idea in the last part.
coherence cohesion
Keep ideas simple and in order. Shorter sentences help for easier reading.
task response
Check small errors that make meaning hard, like verb form and punctuation.
structure
The essay keeps a clear view and has a plan.
coherence
Links like firstly, on the other hand, and in conclusion help flow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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