IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that mental health is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

It is often thought that
phsychological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 health is the most crucial key for success in sports,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that having a strong
team
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and being physically ready is more important.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 perspectives before
epressing
Correct your spelling
expressing
 my own view that
both
Use synonyms
 of these proposals are essential as it is necessary to think
postively
Correct your spelling
positively
, and
also
Linking Words
 to train hard. On the one hand, some people believe that being in a good and excited mode is the most important factor to win in any sport, because if the
team
Use synonyms
 starts the game no
fears
Fix the agreement mistake
fear
show examples
, they will perform well
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the game;
therefore
Linking Words
, they will
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in the sport. If the
team
Use synonyms
 begins a match without hesitation, they will play their usual
play
Check wording
style
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study found that
Correct article usage
the huamn
show examples
huamn
Correct your spelling
human
brian
Use the right word
brain
show examples
 can
affected
Verb problem
be affected
show examples
 by frightening. The
scienticts
Correct your spelling
scientists
 asked a group of young football
players
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 to play against a professional
team
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;
however
Linking Words
, the researcher did not tell the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 about the background of the
team
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. Surprisingly, the teenagers won the match.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think that having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
team
Use synonyms
 members is more important, because having the best
players
Use synonyms
 can make the
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
 of
win
Replace the word
winning
show examples
 easier. Nowadays, all of the football teams try their best to make top
players
Use synonyms
 join them
be
Use the right word
by
show examples
 offering billions to them.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of the Saudi teams
offer
Wrong verb form
offered
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Messi billions of dollars, but he refused
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and joined an American club. From my perspective, I think being mentally
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 is as important as having the best
players
Use synonyms
 in the world , because balance is important, and all the succeded
Use synonyms
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 do
both
Use synonyms
 of these strategies. In conclusion, some people assume that mental health is enough
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 success in any sport,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
strong
Verb problem
being strong
show examples
 and young
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
is more important.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I am
setting
Use the right word
sitting
show examples
 on the
fenece
Correct your spelling
fence
, as all big clubs do
both
Use synonyms
 of them.

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structure
Use clear link words to connect ideas, like 'first', 'then', 'but', and 'in addition'. This helps the reader follow your view.
grammar
Fix basic grammar and spelling. Keep to short, simple sentences.
content
Give one main example for each point and explain why it supports your view.
task
State your own view clearly and keep it in one place, then restate it in the conclusion.
structure
Make the intro and conclusion clearer: tell what you will say and what you found.
structure
The writer tries to show both sides with clear 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' structure.
content
There is an attempt to add a personal view at the end of the essay.
structure
Paragraphs are used to separate ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mental resilience
  • Psychological readiness
  • Confidence
  • Focus
  • Physical capabilities
  • Agility
  • Endurance
  • Mental toughness
  • Sports psychologists
  • Mental preparedness
  • Burnout
  • Strategic thinking
What to do next:
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