IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts show the reasons for immigrants to a European country in 2009 and the reasons for immigrants from a European country in 2009.

The pie charts show the reasons for immigrants to a European country in 2009 and the reasons for immigrants from a European country in 2009.
The two pie charts demonstrate the causes of immigration to a European nation in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that the majority of immigrants came to a European country because of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 definite
job
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
least
Correct word choice
smallest
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people had no reason to
migrant
Replace the word
migrate
show examples
. Interestingly,
job
Use synonyms
 hunting had a negligible difference between
both
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
charts
Check wording
two charts
show examples
. To commence with, in 2009, a fixed
job
Use synonyms
 was the reason to migrate an
european
Fix capitalization
European
show examples
 nations ,which accounted for 23%,
then
Linking Words
 changed to 38% in
later
Correct article usage
the later
show examples
 graph.
Similarly
Linking Words
, other reasons had nearly 15% in the first paragraph, which increased by 8%.
Along with
Linking Words
 that, only 15% of people in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 world are accompanied by their family.
Further
Linking Words
analyses
Fix the agreement mistake
analysis
show examples
 is that, study had almost 15% of
share
Correct article usage
the share
show examples
 in 2009, which
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 by almost half. After studying,
job
Use synonyms
 hunting was crucial in both charts, as it stands for 15% in the first
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
, where it declined by 2%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words job with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • migration trends
  • vibrant job market
  • foreign talent
  • educational pursuits
  • family reunification
  • seeking asylum
  • safe haven
  • dissatisfaction
  • specialized training
  • quality of life
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • personal factors
  • push and pull factors
  • nuanced understanding
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