IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology , such as more computers , while others think more money should be spent on teacher Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Schools
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 an essential role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
's
carrier
Use the right word
careers
show examples
. Because of
this
Linking Words
 , there is ongoing debate regarding the
money
Use synonyms
 to be
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 either on technology or
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
. In my opinion ,
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the inculcate
show examples
inculcate
Replace the word
inculcation
show examples
 of moral values and helping to build discipline and
system
Correct article usage
a system
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 by
tutor
Correct article usage
a tutor
show examples
, claiming them to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on them will be the most
apropos
Correct word choice
appropriate
show examples
 choice. To
begine
Correct your spelling
begin
 with , the former views suggest that modern infrastructure in the
Institue
Use the right word
Institute
show examples
 can make learning more
enagaging
Correct your spelling
engaging
.
This
Linking Words
 is because of
audio-visual
Correct article usage
the audio-visual
show examples
 display of the object , which can increase the grasping power of the
children
Use synonyms
 by 10 times more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
formal education.
For Example
Linking Words
 ,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
applicant
Correct article usage
an applicant
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to understand the
concept
Punctuation problem
concept,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 he can use the technology
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
youtube
Use the right word
YouTube
show examples
 or other educational apps
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be a positive development for the
children
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
 , investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
 can be
assist
Verb problem
an asset
show examples
 for the school.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , Computer skills are
high
Change preposition
in high
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
demand
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 from
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 perspective . Having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good computer facilities can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
acquire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skills from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
elementary
Correct word choice
early
show examples
 age.
This
Linking Words
 will
given
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
an
Correct word order
them an
show examples
 edge
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct word order
apply
show examples
over the cut-throat competition in the job
marker
Use the right word
market
show examples
. A recent survey
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 that students who used the desktop from
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 shown a drastic
interset
Use the right word
interest
show examples
 towards coding and
arithematic
Correct your spelling
arithmetic
 development.
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on building tech
savvy
Correct word choice
tech-savvy
show examples
 environment.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 , the latter
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 says that the precious life lessons can only be taught by
Use synonyms
teacher
Correct article usage
a teacher
show examples
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not be replaced by
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 are well experienced with subject expertise
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will not help the
children
Use synonyms
 to learn academic knowledge
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 moral values
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will help them for holistic
develpoment
Correct your spelling
development
 both academically and socially.
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should show some way of appreciation
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 by giving them incentives or some kind of grants.
For Instance
Linking Words
 , teachers put time and effort
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the upbringing of
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it requires lots of patience and tolerance
inorder
Use the right word
in order
show examples
 to handle the kids.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
Increasing
Fix capitalization
increasing
show examples
 pay can be a better
form
Check wording
way
show examples
 to convey
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 in the schools.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , Tutor helps to inculcate the discipline among the youth which will
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them to be independent
abd
Correct your spelling
and
 rely on their own feet for
taking
Use the right word
making
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 in their life.
To conclude
Linking Words
 and give my opinion , Schools should give more
money
Use synonyms
 to the
teacher
Use synonyms
 and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time ,
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology can result in
change
Correct article usage
a change
show examples
 in
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 regime as it will be more occupied and
entertain
Replace the word
entertaining
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear in what you want to say. State your view at the start and end. Do not add many side ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make each part fit well. One idea per paragraph. Start with a small plan and write in order.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words like and, but, also, then, so to show how ideas go.
overall
The essay tries to cover both sides and give an opinion.
content
It gives some real examples like the use of tech.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • money, invest, spend, school, teacher, student, learning, class, lesson, plan, time, cost, price, benefit, risk, problem, solution, more, less, equal, fair, access, help, use, device, computer, screen, internet, tool, training, support, teamwork, study, future, job, good, bad, because, if, but, also, then, now
What to do next:
Look at other essays: