IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is true that many
celebrities
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 are more known for their wealthy lifestyle
instead
Linking Words
 of their hard work and effort to achieve
this
Linking Words
 status.
While
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 I agree that many famous
people
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 have a negative influence on young
people
Use synonyms
, I still believe that there are
still
Rephrase
apply
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a lot of
celebrities
Use synonyms
 who act as positive role models. On the one hand, the reality behind their wealth and attractive life may be because of others’ support and not their own achievement. Their parents provide them with large sums of money, allowing them to enjoy a luxurious lifestyle without actually working hard.
Moreover
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, some
celebrities
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 are always in the
center
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centre
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 of controversy; though they are young and rich, they have bad characteristics.
For example
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, Kim Kardashian
,
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apply
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who
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became famous because of her gossip. She delivered a message to young
people
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 that success is easy without hard work and good manners, only needing to have an attractive media profile and create
virus
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viral
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 trends on social media.
On the other hand
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, there are still a lot of
celebrities
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 who use their fame to help
to
Verb problem
apply
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improve the world and spread positive beliefs. Take Lewis Hamilton as an example; he was the only black F1 driver in history. He is grateful for his achievement and willing to support other black
people
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 who have the same dream.
Besides
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 racing, he consistently stands for crucial social issues,
such
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 as posting information about the war on social media and
,
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apply
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 donating money
for
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to
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 the minority in Africa.
As a result
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, when his fans are influenced by his
behavior
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behaviour
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 every day, they will gradually believe that helping
people
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 and focusing on the important news worldwide are the right things. In conclusion, I agree that many famous
people
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 today are not the ideal role models for the young generation.
However
Linking Words
, there are still a lot of
celebrities
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 working hard to create a positive impact on the world and act responsibly towards their fans and
the
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society.

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task response
In the opening, state your main idea clearly in one clear sentence.
content
Give stronger and more exact examples to back your points.
content
Check facts in your examples so they are true and fair.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas go together.
conclusion
Try to end with a strong restatement of your view.
task response
You show a clear view on the task.
coherence
Your essay has a simple, easy flow with logical steps.
content
You use examples to support ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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