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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

One of the widely discussed issues is that
university
Use synonyms
 students prefer to train their skills in a working environment, rather than attend classes. In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of
such
Linking Words
 development, because a
university
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in shaping professionalism and skill set, but sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 can find enrolling in
work
Use synonyms
-based training more beneficial. One of the main negatives of young
people
Use synonyms
 choosing
work
Use synonyms
 over
university
Use synonyms
 is that workers would be less educated and less professional. Some jobs require a high level of knowledge in specific areas.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
university
Use synonyms
 lectures are very important and irreplaceable, in most cases. If
people
Use synonyms
 skip theoretical stages of learning, they will simply not
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to do exact
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in
2014
Punctuation problem
2014,
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 scientists conducted research, where they showed that individuals with
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 in their field are more likely to be successful than those without higher education.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is very important to study and attend courses, because it directly affects
to
Change preposition
apply
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your career. Turning to the other side of the argument, in some minor cases bachelor's degree is not necessarily important , and it is better to learn straight in the
work
Use synonyms
 zone.
Low
Correct article usage
A low
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 amount of skill and ability is needed for some types of labour. Works where you need to communicate, interact with
people
Use synonyms
 often need more practice, rather than just education.
For example
Linking Words
, teaching or coaching, of course,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 capabilities in psychology, but the main goal of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 is to encourage others and cause influence.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 skills can only be developed by repetition and practice.
Thus
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 experience might be more valuable in some circumstances. In conclusion, I can say that the cons of
this
Linking Words
 problem outweigh the pros, because most of the time, professions require
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 level of expertise and knowledge, which is why participation in
university
Use synonyms
 programs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial.
However
Linking Words
, some jobs require more working experience and learning them in
work
Use synonyms
-based training would be the best option.

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coherence
Improve flow by clear links, like first, also, but, and then.
structure
In the intro, state your view and main reason to set your aim.
content
Back up points with clear facts or better examples.
grammar
Check grammar, especially verb form and word order, to avoid errors.
lexis
Use short and simple words to keep ideas clear.
balance
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
structure
Conclusion restates the view.
content
Some examples are used to show points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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