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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The table illustrates the
population
Use synonyms
 of New
Zealand
Use synonyms
, which they
divide
Wrong verb form
divided
show examples
 based on age. From 2011 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ages seemed to
increased
Verb problem
have increased
show examples
 except children and
middle aged
Use the right word
middle-aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 ,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had
slighty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 declined.
While
Linking Words
 the
eledery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a significant
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in just one year.
but
Fix capitalization
But
show examples
 the rest had
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
trhoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the year.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
2011
Change preposition
in 2011
show examples
, in
this
Linking Words
 year the
population
Use synonyms
 were 4,381,269 million,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
 who were under 15 were almost 900,000, they
considered
Verb problem
were considered
show examples
as
Use the right word
a
show examples
 small group
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the others, like those who
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 between 15
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to 39,those were the
majoratiy
Correct your spelling
majority
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 of New
Zealand
Use synonyms
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 1.577.256,
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
this
Linking Words
 was the highest number at that time.
Then
Linking Words
 those who are 40-64, the second highest
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
number
show examples
 in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
, and they were over 1.300.000, next the
smalleast
Correct your spelling
smallest
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 who were 65 and over. By 573.946. After
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
2012, the
population
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 increased by 0.6% to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
4.410.284, but the
people
Use synonyms
 who were under 15 had declined by 0.2% which means around 2000
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
. Then
show examples
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
then,
show examples
 those who were from 15 to 39
also
Linking Words
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fall
Replace the word
fell
show examples
 by 0.2, but
this
Linking Words
 didn't
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to
effict
Correct your spelling
affect
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
population
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 New
Use synonyms
zealand
Fix capitalization
Zealand
show examples
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they remain the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
.
Linking Words
Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from 40 to 64 these
people
Use synonyms
 had seen a
slighty
Correct your spelling
slight
 increase by 0.6% to 1.339.898
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who were 65 or higher
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
had a
dramatically
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 change by 4% respectively, to be 596.903.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, zealand, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population growth
  • age group
  • increase
  • decline
  • elderly population
  • aging population
  • working-age population
  • stable labor force
  • modest increase
  • significant change
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