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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories.

the diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories.
The bar graph illustrates data for the average
hours
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 with no payment per week performed by people in various aspects.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that married
women
Use synonyms
's
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
rises
Correct subject-verb agreement
rise
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 by having more
children
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 for
men
Add a comma
men,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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decreas
Correct your spelling
decrease
 as the number of
children
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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. The unpaid work done by
women
Use synonyms
 without
children
Use synonyms
30
Verb problem
is 30
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
, in case of men with no
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
child
Punctuation problem
child,
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 it is 20
hoours
Correct your spelling
hours
.
Furthermoe
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
women
Use synonyms
 with 1-2
children
Use synonyms
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week,
while
Linking Words
 men from the same
categori
Correct your spelling
category
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 30
hours
Use synonyms
 less than
women
Use synonyms
 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a difference of nearly 40
hours
Use synonyms
 between couples with
plus
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
three
children
Use synonyms
. which
the
Verb problem
has the
show examples
 highest average of unpaid hourly working at home.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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