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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people fails in school, but ends up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is important things to succeed in life?

The definition of success in
life
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 varies
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
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 on
people
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;
however
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, there are some
people
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 who do not do well at
school
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 but have
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
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life
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. I strongly believe that important
skills
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 and technical
skills
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 are the keys to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 successful financially in your
life
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. On the one hand,
people
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 who have important
life
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skills
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such
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 as communication, problem-solving, critical thinking, and
analysing
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analysis
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 tend to
be
Verb problem
apply
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succeed even if they do not have a great academic background. These
skills
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 are developed not only by
aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 degrees at university but
also
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meeting
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by meeting
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 many
people
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 and experiencing new things.
People
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 who are not afraid of meeting new
people
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 and challenging new
environment
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environments
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are
Verb problem
find it
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 easy to learn those
skills
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.
People
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study
Correct pronoun usage
who study
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 hard at
school
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 may be able to receive good scores;
however
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,
people
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 who can communicate with many
people
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 tend to have more opportunities.
For example
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, I have a friend who was not good at high
school
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 and dropped out her college, but she eventually studied at
technical
Correct article usage
a technical
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school
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 in Australia and now she has her
business
Correct word choice
own business
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 in Korea. She was very outgoing and was able to
adopt
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adapt
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 new environment easily. I assume that those
people
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 have more opportunities
of having
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to have
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 good connections with
people
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 and
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
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 problems whenever
she
Correct pronoun usage
they
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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helps
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help
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that having
life
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skills
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 is significantly important to have
financially
Correct article usage
a financially
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 stable
life
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.
On the other hand
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, acquiring technical
skills
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also
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a crucial role in being successful in
life
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. More
precicely
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precisely
, there are certain
people
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 who are not good at dealing with
people
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 but are successful in
life
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. Those
people
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 have technical
skills
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 that the other
people
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 do not have.
For instance
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,
people
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 who work as
mechanicians
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mechanics
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, engineers, and chefs. If you have certain
skills
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technical areas and devote yourself to work, you can be independent and earn enough money. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 fail in
classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
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, that does not mean they are not successful in
life
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. I strongly consider that if
people
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 have important
life
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skills
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such
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 as
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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 and problem-solving, or technical
skills
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of
Change preposition
in
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your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 work,
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are able to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suceed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in
life
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Use simple words and fix small spelling and grammer mistakes to keep clear meaning.
structure
Plan your essay. Have a short intro, two body parts each with a clear point, and a short conclusion.
cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence to show the main point.
content
Give more exact and real examples that fit the point you make.
editing
Check for word form and use. For example, some words have wrong form or spelling.
content
The essay shows need to talk about both life skill and work skill.
structure
There is a clear plan with two sides and a closing idea.
structure
There is a conclusion that sums up the view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic failure
  • learning styles
  • emotional intelligence
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • networking
  • interpersonal skills
  • opportunities
  • success stories
  • self-awareness
  • innovation
  • career development
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