IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the diagram.

The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the diagram.
The pictorial illustration depicts the
trap
Check wording
trapping
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 of energy by greenhouse gases from the sun.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the
process
Use synonyms
 by which greenhouse gases
traped
Verb problem
trap
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 energy is a multistep
process
Use synonyms
 , which started with the heat coming from the sun and ended with the heat trapped by
green house
Use the right word
greenhouse
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gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
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. In the first stage, heat comes from the sun and some of them are absorbed by the
earth
Use the right word
Earth's
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 surface and
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
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.
Then
Linking Words
 between the rest of
Correct article usage
the heats
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heats
Add a comma
heats,
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 some are
readiated
Correct your spelling
radiated
 into the space and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of them
traped
Use the right word
trapped
show examples
 by the greenhouse gases.
Here
Punctuation problem
Here,
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 two actions
are
Verb problem
apply
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occured simulteniously
Correct your spelling
occur simultaneously
: one is number of trees
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 decreasing because people cut them off
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 another is
extraction
Correct article usage
the extraction
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 of carbon dioxide from vehicles, mills and
fossile
Correct your spelling
fossil
 fuels. Gradually, in
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
if
Punctuation problem
, if
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 the number of chopping trees
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and CO2 increases, the energy
preserve
Replace the word
preserved
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 by green
house
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greenhouse
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 will increase. Eventually, it is a continuous
process
Use synonyms
,
infulencing
Correct your spelling
influenced
 by
man made
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man-made
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activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural process
  • greenhouse effect
  • Earth's surface
  • sun's energy
  • atmosphere
  • reflected
  • absorbed
  • re-radiated
  • greenhouse gases
  • carbon dioxide
  • methane
  • nitrous oxide
  • water vapour
  • ultraviolet radiation
  • infrared radiation
  • fossil fuel burning
  • deforestation
  • concentration
  • global warming
  • melting ice caps
  • glaciers
  • rising sea levels
  • extreme weather patterns
  • mitigating
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