IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young people are choosing not to pursue traditional careers such as teaching or farming. Why do you think this is happening? What problems could this trend cause for society?

In the present era,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation is moving towards other sources of earning money
instead
Linking Words
 of overtake their traditional
job
Use synonyms
 sectors.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the underlying reasons for
this
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 shift and consider the potential societal repercussions. One of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is that young individuals can get
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
better opportunities which are more beneficial for their career. To be more specific, in high-tech cities, there are various companies which provide highly paid
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not possible to earn by teaching or farming.
Moreover
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, nowadays, most of the youth
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 highly educated and they feel shy to do traditional
jobs
Use synonyms
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as they
seeks
Correct subject-verb agreement
seek
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 for luxury and
well established
Use the right word
well-established
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 lifestyle.
Therefore
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, they prefer to do those
jobs
Use synonyms
 which
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 them more facilities and handsome money
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 IT, Technicians and engineers.
For example
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, my father is a farmer, but I prefer to
persure
Correct your spelling
pursue
 my career in mechanical engineering, because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I have graduated from
engineering
Correct article usage
an engineering
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 college.
However
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,
this
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 shift could pose significant challenges for society. A nation can face
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of educators, which can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educational quality. To illustrate, if
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 number of people
would
Verb problem
were to
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 start ignoring
tutors
Check wording
tutors'
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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,
as a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 society
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 face
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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 in
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of experienced teachers.
Furthermore
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, by
this
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 practice,
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 sector would be
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
 and
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 would go through
food
Correct article usage
a food
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 crisis. What I mean to say
that
Verb problem
is that
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 farming
job
Use synonyms
 involves intense physical tasks
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 if most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
,
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consequently
Rephrase
then
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 nobody will
left
Verb problem
be left
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 for farming
jobs
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 market will stop running. In conclusion,
while
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 choosing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
jobs
Use synonyms
 by youth is understandable, but
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 should encourage traditional
jobs
Use synonyms
 by giving more facilities.

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task
Make your answer clear in two parts: why the young pick new jobs and what this may do to society. Put your view in one place.
structure
Use a plan. Make one idea per paragraph. Start with a topic sentence in each paragraph.
language
Use plain grammar. Check verb form and plural s. Keep short sentences where possible.
content
The essay shows a real idea about why young people move to new jobs.
organization
It ends with a view on what a country can do.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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