IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed by some that the cause of criminal activities among the public is a lack of basic needs and the issues surrounding them,
while
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 others consider these activities a reflection of their genes.
Although
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 breaking laws is circumstantial, in my opinion, it is hereditary as well. Let us discuss these two viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, poor communities will break the rules to meet their daily needs.
Moreover
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, it is the discrimination in society that leads the weaker individuals to follow the abominable actions.
Additionally
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, economic inequality and racism based on caste or colour prevent individuals from enjoying their basic rights, which encourages them to break societal boundaries and leads to their recognition as criminals.
On the other hand
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, genetics plays a pivotal role in the mannerisms of an individual.
Likewise
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, the physical and behavioural traits of every person are transferred from his or her ancestors; those who possess negative behavioural patterns will carry those chromosomes to their inheritors and spread the undesirable traits.
For instance
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,research on Indian offenders reveals that 43% grew up in a criminal environment.
Hence
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, a person's birth history plays a significant role in moulding their undesirable mannerisms. In conclusion, the crime rate is at its peak in the modern era, and many factors are responsible. As mentioned above, social problems and bad behaviours are equally responsible for these illegal acts.

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coherence
Make one clear topic sentence for each paragraph and keep the idea simple. Then add a short explanation and a final idea.
evidence
Give real proof for your claim. If you use numbers, say where they come from or say they are found in studies in general. Avoid big claims with no proof.
grammar
Fix grammar and word choice. Use straight, short sentences and avoid long, hard phrases.
task response
Show your view clearly in the last part of the intro or in the conclusion, and keep the sides balanced.
tone
Keep the tone calm and not sure words like 'always' or 'never' unless you have proof.
content
The writer tries to show both sides and give a view
structure
There is a clear end that states the opinion
coherence
Use of linking phrases such as On the one hand, On the other hand
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
What to do next:
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