IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

there are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music?. Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

The given
asking
Verb problem
is
show examples
 about
music
Use synonyms
what
Punctuation problem
: what
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 does
human
Correct article usage
a human
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 need from
music
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 It
also
Linking Words
 asks about
what’s
Verb problem
what
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 is more important
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 traditional
music
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
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 the countries or the normal
music
Use synonyms
 that you hear for fun. In the
begging
Use the right word
beginning
show examples
, humans need to listen to
music
Use synonyms
 for the reason that it makes the brain work more
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficiently
 and do better. There is some
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 with only rhythm without
lyrics
Punctuation problem
lyrics,
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 it
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 a
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 name like green noise or brown noise. Nowadays, some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can not study without listening to that
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
Use synonyms
music
Punctuation problem
music,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes them focus more on what they are studying
Punctuation problem
. Also
show examples
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
also,
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people
Use synonyms
 who can not sleep at
night
Punctuation problem
night,
show examples
 there is a major number of them
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
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these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 to sleep.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you
remeber
Correct your spelling
remember
 the
people
Use synonyms
 that you love
some
Punctuation problem
. Some
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humans
Check wording
people
show examples
 connect the person that they love with someone
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 when they hear
this
Linking Words
song
Punctuation problem
song,
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 they remember. The traditional
music
Use synonyms
 is the
music
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 connected with the
tradition
Use synonyms
 and the
population
Use synonyms
 of
one
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
. this
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this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
These kinds
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 of songs
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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save the
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
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tradition
Use synonyms
 for generations
Punctuation problem
. For
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for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 in Saudi there is a person called
hatem altaee
Fix capitalization
Hatem Altaee
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 he was known because he was very generous
Punctuation problem
. and
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and in
Correct word choice
In
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this
Linking Words
 generation every
one
Use synonyms
 knows him because of the
Use synonyms
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 that
made
Verb problem
was made
show examples
 for him
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
 time. Because of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 songs made for
him
Add a comma
him,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays know that person and that
Saudi’s
Check wording
Saudi
show examples
tradition
Use synonyms
 characteristic is
genourasity
Correct your spelling
generosity
.
The international
Correct determiner usage
International
show examples
music
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not connected to
one
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 or
one
Use synonyms
tradition
Use synonyms
it
Punctuation problem
; it
show examples
 is more about fun and joy
Punctuation problem
. People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer
this
Linking Words
 kind of
music
Use synonyms
 for the
porpuse
Correct your spelling
purpose
 that it does not
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to know about any
population
Use synonyms
 or any
country
Use synonyms
 to understand the
music
Use synonyms
you
Punctuation problem
. You
show examples
 can understand it
where ever
Use the right word
wherever
show examples
 you are from. For
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 is more important than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
for
Check wording
music for
show examples
 the reason that it
saves
Verb problem
preserves
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
population
Check wording
population's
show examples
 characteristics for the new generation and
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 them about the great
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 from their
country
Use synonyms
. To sum it up, humans need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 to do better in life
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 use it for
stude
Correct your spelling
studying
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 others use it to have a good sleep.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 is more important than the international
for
Check wording
music for
show examples
 the reason that it saves
puplations
Check wording
the population's
show examples
 history.

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structure
Make your plan. Intro, 2 or 3 body ideas, end.
task response
Give a clear view. Say if you think traditional music is more important or not, and stick to it.
coherence
Tell one idea per paragraph. Use small linking words like and, but, also, then.
grammar
Use easy words. Check spell and verb form.
content
Use a real example well. Explain how it shows your point.
task response
You try to answer the question.
coherence
There is some basic structure (intro, body, conclusion).
relevance
You show some effort to give examples.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
What to do next:
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