In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for poeple. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some
people
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argue that having a
home
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instead
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of renting one is essential for individuals in various countries. There are some reasons
such
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as retirement,
prices
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or investment. I believe that it is an advantage for society, since there is a mutuality between the
people
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who bought the
house
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and sold the
house
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.
To begin
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with, some elderly
people
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would like to move to rural areas when they retire from their jobs, and want to live in their own homes.
Moreover
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, they would like to hand down a
house
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to their children.
For example
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, a survey illustrates that most of the old
people
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would like to own a
house
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in rural areas in Turkey, since they want to live in
aquiet
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a quiet
place.
Additionally
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, handing down a
house
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to their children makes them happy. Another point, investment in a
house
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would be logical for adults because they will be able to gain passive income. Buying a
house
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during the construction time is
a
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apply
show examples
cheaper
way
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apply
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than if investors sell it when the construction is finished.
Furthermore
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, some individuals buy, repair and sell the old houses to gain money.
For instance
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, research about the incomes of
people
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shows that some
people
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buy a
house
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, and
then
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they sell it when the
prices
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increase.
Although
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some
people
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only prefer to own a
home
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because they do not trust homeowners or the
prices
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of rentals.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Turkey demonstrates that homeowners rent their houses at higher
prices
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than they should .
Consequently
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,
people
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prefer to buy a flat. I believe that
this
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situation is a positive thing because most
people
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who own a
home
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are delighted.
Also
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, it is a mutual thing, since both the
persons
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people
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who buy the
home
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and sell the
house
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are doing what they want.
To sum up
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, owning a
home
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rather than renting one is a positive and vital thing for some
people
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, as the reasons are gaining money, moving to another place and making choices.

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General
Make each paragraph hold one main idea. Start with a brief intro that states your view, then write three body paragraphs, and end with a short conclusion.
Language
Use simple, exact words. Avoid long or mixed phrases. Check phrases that feel odd and replace them with clear terms.
Examples
Give a clear example for each reason. If you mention Turkey, say 'a survey in Turkey found...' and give a year if you can.
Grammar
Watch grammar: subject-verb, plural forms, and articles. Read the sentence aloud to find mistakes.
Coherence
Use linking words well. Use words like First, Then, Also, Finally to guide the reader.
Strength
The writer takes a clear position about owning a home.
Strength
There is an outline of intro, body, and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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