IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting.

The graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting.
The data display the amount of time consumed on social
media
Use synonyms
 for each day between 2012 and 2016,
so
Rephrase
as well
show examples
 does the reasons
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using them.
Overall
Linking Words
, the large
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 take a dominant place in social
media
Use synonyms
 for all years with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge differences between the rest.
Small
Correct article usage
The small
show examples
 market had the lowest in all
different
Correct article usage
the different
show examples
 periods. To be more specific, in 2016 all
businesses
Use synonyms
 spent
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
 amount of time on social
media
Use synonyms
. In
2016
Punctuation problem
2016,
show examples
 whilst the large
businesses
Use synonyms
 were slightly below 80, the small
businesses
Use synonyms
 were a bit less than 50. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the small and medium
businesses
Use synonyms
 in 2015 had the same percentage
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was 30
hours
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, in large
Correct your spelling
companies
companys
Add a comma
companys,
show examples
 2015 was slightly above 50
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in large
Use synonyms
businesses
Add a comma
businesses,
show examples
 2012, 2013 and 2014
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a dramatic increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the spending
hours
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
. In
2012
Punctuation problem
2012,
show examples
 whilst small
businesses
Use synonyms
 had only around 30
hours
Use synonyms
, large
businesses
Use synonyms
 had almost 80
hours
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, all
businesses
Use synonyms
 in 2013 and 2014 were so close to each other, and both
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
 increased
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
using
Verb problem
working
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 in large
businesses
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words media, businesses, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: