IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should take
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to be good members of
society
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should bear the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for doing
this
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 and explain why I agree with the former. The idea that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 must shoulder the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for educating
children
Use synonyms
 to contribute to their country is not available. Because what
responsibility
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 should shoulder
ought
Verb problem
is
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 to
be focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on improving the academic performance of
students
Use synonyms
’
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 the authentic purpose that
parents
Use synonyms
 suppose. By prioritising discipline studying, teachers can relatively finish their job, leaving almost no time and energy
form
Use the right word
for
show examples
 them to guide
students
Use synonyms
 in their moral aspect. A good case in point is China, which has millions of
students
Use synonyms
 at
school
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, wanted to nurture
students
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 both in academic and moral
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 several decades ago, resulting in failure and has
to
Verb problem
had to
show examples
 change to only make
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 the NO. 1 priority nowadays.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, many believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for telling
children
Use synonyms
 the importance of being good members of
society
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, which, in my opinion, is correct. If
parents
Use synonyms
 act
how
Correct word choice
as
show examples
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
people
Use synonyms
 should benefit
society
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,
children
Use synonyms
 can ultimately be that
people
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 easily, because they trust their family. By playing good models at home,
parents
Use synonyms
 may well develop their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 healthy character
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be positive to
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many communities in Australia,
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
proofed
Replace the word
proven
show examples
 that families with good education and demonstration to the younger generation typically have
children
Use synonyms
 who make
dedication
Correct word choice
significant dedication
show examples
significantly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to
society
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think
school
Use synonyms
 is the best place for
students
Use synonyms
 to learn to be good members
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, I agree with
people
Use synonyms
 who think home should address
this
Linking Words
 issue for the reasons outlined above.

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task
Be clear and steady in your view. Decide if you agree with parents or schools, and stay with that choice in the whole essay.
task
Give more real and simple facts or examples to show each point.
structure
Use short, easy sentences. Group ideas in one idea per paragraph.
language
Fix mistakes in grammar and spelling. Use common words only.
content
The essay tries to compare two ideas and gives a final view.
coherence
There are some good link words like 'On the contrary' and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
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