IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
given in
this
Linking Words
 diagram, a fish pie is a frozen food that contains peas, fish, sauce and potato. To prepare a frozen fish pie, there must be two different bands and
also
Linking Words
, the durations of processes can be
show
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
Verb problem
to changes
show examples
changes
Correct subject-verb agreement
change
show examples
 to each other. On the first band, before the potatoes
get in
Verb problem
are
show examples
process
Replace the word
processed
show examples
, they can be stored
up
Change preposition
for up
show examples
 to one month.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they get cleaned by a water system. After
peeling
Punctuation problem
peeling,
show examples
 they get sliced. All potatoes
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 boiled and
then
Linking Words
chill
Wrong verb form
chilled
show examples
 to store.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second line process must be ended in 12 hours or less. Adding fresh lemon juice and salt to salmon is
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 step. A steam oven can be used to cook salmon.
Linking Words
Thereafter
Punctuation problem
Thereafter,
show examples
 some workers take out the skin and the bones from salmon.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
an inspector controls the process. By adding the prepared peas and
spice
Fix the agreement mistake
spices
show examples
, the system
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 all ingredients ready.
Consequently
Linking Words
, an employer
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the wrap with the final products of these two lines.  Putting the wrap in a freezer to keep
cool
Correct pronoun usage
it cool
show examples
 is one of the
last
Linking Words
 procedures. Now the wrap is ready to store and dispatch.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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