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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the
education
Use synonyms
 we
take
Verb problem
receive
show examples
 from our
parents
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 and family
affects significantly
Correct word order
significantly affects
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on
Change preposition
apply
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our future achievement rather than our talents and
information
Correct article usage
the information
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 we learn at
school
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 trend
due to
Linking Words
 some compelling reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
children
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 start
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
primary
school
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 in little
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, and they spend
their most of
Correct word order
most of their
show examples
 time with teachers at
school
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.
Therefore
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, they have new knowledge, and they can improve their skills through their teachers.
As a result
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,
while
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 they learn from their
parents
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 and families at
first,
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they are educated in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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school
Use synonyms
 for the rest of their lives.
Consequently
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, people’s future success is more related to
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
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 and skills they learn at
school
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.
For instance
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, a child may undergo some immoral behaviours
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 when the child starts
to
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apply
show examples
school
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, they can learn right behaviours and they are able to change wrong behaviours.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
parents
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 and families are not
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 people on
school
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 subjects.
Therefore
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, they cannot give
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
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education
Use synonyms
 to their
children
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 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of information.
Hence
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,
children
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 should go to
school
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 and
take
Verb problem
receive
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 from teachers for their academic development and achievement.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 might not give enough
education
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different
Change preposition
on different
show examples
 kinds of
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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children
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 can take all
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
education
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.
For example
Linking Words
, they can not only learn to play instruments but
also
Linking Words
 they can learn natural sciences. In conclusion, I totally disagree that people learn from their
parents
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 and
families
Correct word choice
that families
show examples
 have
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 impact on their future success.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe people learn information and discover their skills at
school
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Write one main idea per paragraph and keep it clear.
coherence
Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and link ideas with simple words like and, but, so, also.
content
Give more easy and real examples that fit the point you make.
grammar
Check your grammar: mind subject with verb, use the correct form, and fix small mistakes that make you hard to read.
content
Your view on the issue is clear and you state your stance.
coherence
You use some good link words to show cause and effect.
structure
You end with a closing sentence that restates your view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future success
  • family values
  • knowledge and skills
  • shape
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • emotional support
  • encouragement
  • academic education
  • discipline
  • time management
  • contribute to
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
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