IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activüy among children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

More and more
children
Use synonyms
 these days watch television more than those in the past,which could
effect
Use the right word
affect
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 on there health.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 essay will discuss why
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 case and what we can do to
let
Verb problem
make
show examples
 them active among
children
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,there are many
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
 which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
children
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not like to do anything
instead
Linking Words
 of watching
telecision
Correct your spelling
television
.In fact,parents have the ability to stop
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 from
eatching
Correct your spelling
watching
 television,but
unfortunatly
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
 some parents

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear map: intro with your view, 2–3 body paragraphs on reasons and fixes, and a short conclusion.
task response
content
content
coherence
grammar
style
content
The topic is relevant and you try to discuss both cause and fix.
structure
You mention parent roles, which is a good idea to link cause and solution.
content
There is a clear attempt to explain how to raise activity.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • screen time
  • physical activity
  • childhood obesity
  • social interactions
  • leisure activities
  • engagement
  • community programs
  • active lifestyle
  • digital devices
  • organized sports
  • outdoor play
  • parenting norms
  • safety concerns
  • health benefits
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