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Writing Samples
Band 4

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activüy among children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are excessively addicted to
Television
Use synonyms
 than
children
Use synonyms
 in earlier times.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 increased addiction has led to a sedentary lifestyle in
children
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.
This
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 essay will
further
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 discuss the reason for increased
dependancy
Correct your spelling
dependence
 on
Television
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 in
children
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, and will
also
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 provide
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to improve the levels of physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in them. The rising trend of higher reliance on
television
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 in
children
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 is because
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
parents
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 are working.
As a result
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, they are
enable
Use the right word
unable
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 to provide any free time to their child to play or indulge in other
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
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 of
activities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the easiest way to entertain
children
Use synonyms
admist
Correct your spelling
amidst
 the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
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 busy schedule is giving access to
television
Use synonyms
, where they can watch their favourite cartoons or TV shows without being bored.
For example
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, many young mothers play
cocomelon
Use the right word
CoComelon
show examples
 on TV
while
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 they are busy cooking lunchboxes for the family.
Therefore
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, working
parents
Use synonyms
 are confined to permit their
children
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 to
watchTelevision
Correct your spelling
watch television
 as a medium of entertainment .
However
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,
this
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 development has negative outcomes
such
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decreased
Change preposition
as decreased
show examples
 physical
activity
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, and taking
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 to mitigate
such
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ill-effect
Use the right word
ill effects
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 is necessary. One of the methods is curating a fixed schedule for
children
Use synonyms
 with punishment for
inobedience
Correct your spelling
disobedience
. If
parents
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 create a detailed timetable for timely
activities
Use synonyms
 which involves playing sports and penalising for not following the schedule,
children
Use synonyms
 will follow it
rountinely
Correct your spelling
routinely
.
As a consequence
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 ,
children
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 will
entitled
Verb problem
be entitled
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 to an
hourly
Replace the word
hour
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 or
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 minutes of sports practice everday which will increase their
phyiscal
Correct your spelling
physical
activity
Use synonyms
 levels.
Additionally
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,
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parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 active participation can
also
Linking Words
 encourage
children
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 to be physically fit. If
parents
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 exercise
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 in front of their
children
Use synonyms
, they will feel motivated through their
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 action.
Consequently
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,
children
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 will exercise more often.
For example
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 , individuals who are
invovled
Correct your spelling
involved
 in regular workouts have
children
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 with
inclination
Correct article usage
an inclination
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 towards the same. In conclusion, the core reason for
children
Use synonyms
's increased preference towards watching
television
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than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 other
activities
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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parents
Use synonyms
 who are working
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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 with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of time.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 negative change has
adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
show examples
 effect of reduced involvement in
phyiscal
Correct your spelling
physical
activity
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be addressed by adopting approaches
such
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 as
stricting
Correct your spelling
strictly
adherence
Replace the word
adhering
show examples
 to a timetable with slots for
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 and increased
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
anticipation
Check wording
involvement
show examples
 in
such
Linking Words
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, middle, and end. Do an intro, two body para, and a short conclusion.
content
In each body para, state the main idea first, then give a reason or a fix, and finish with an example or result.
coherence
Use simple link words to show order and cause, like first, also, because, so, but.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Use common words and keep to short, clear sentences.
content
Try to add a real personal example from your own life to show you have thought about it.
content
The idea is clear: TV use is linked to less activity and the need to fix this.
structure
Some real example is used, and there is effort to give cause and fix.
structure
There is a plan to talk about causes and fixes.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • screen time
  • physical activity
  • childhood obesity
  • social interactions
  • leisure activities
  • engagement
  • community programs
  • active lifestyle
  • digital devices
  • organized sports
  • outdoor play
  • parenting norms
  • safety concerns
  • health benefits
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