IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should spend more money on public services rather than on arts such as music and theatre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the government should allocate more funds to public
services
Use synonyms
 as compared to the
arts
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion to a large extent
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
 thorough analysis of the given standpoint is necessary to validate my perspective. Emphasising the possible factors to advocate the priorities of public
services
Use synonyms
, the major one could be improvement in citizens' living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
. To be precise, better government
services
Use synonyms
 like healthcare, education, and transport provide
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 and convenient lifestyle to everyone.
Thus
Linking Words
, when high authorities spend more money on hospitals, schools and public transport, it ensures better living conditions for everyone. Another remarkable aspect is that civic
services
Use synonyms
 are a basic need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 natives.
In other words
Linking Words
, interest in music and theatre is optional, and people can easily survive without these
arts
Use synonyms
, but government
services
Use synonyms
 offer safety and health to the public.
For example
Linking Words
, better police, fire departments ensure people's safety.
Therefore
Linking Words
, offering more budget to public
services
Use synonyms
 can lead to a strong country. Not only
this
Linking Words
, good infrastructure enhances the nation's economic growth ,
such
Linking Words
 as the Creative industries create jobs and attract tourism .
Conversely
Linking Words
 , a small amount of funding should still be allocated to the
arts
Use synonyms
 because they preserve a culture and identity. Government-supported festivals and art exhibitions can promote national unity and tourism, which indirectly benefits the economy.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is concluded that no doubt, some amount of funds should be spent on
arts
Use synonyms
 because it keeps heritage alive
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
nevertheless
Linking Words
 , the benefits rendered by public
services
Use synonyms
 cannot be ignored .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Grow your main idea with more clear steps. Start with a clear view of your stance. Then add more reasons and a simple example for each point.
structure
Use smooth links between ideas. Use words like also, but, for example, in addition to show how ideas go together.
argument
Add a counter idea. Say why some may want more art funding and why this may not be the best path. Then show your rule holds.
language
Check the grammar and word choice. Some words are not common. Use simple words only and short forms.
content
The view that public services are important is clear.
structure
The essay gives some view on both sides.
format
There is a conclusion to sum up the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: