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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive. The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive.

The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive. The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive.
The given pie chart illustrates the four main
reasons
Use synonyms
 behind the devaluation of the agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 in the 1990s,
also
Linking Words
 a comparison among the
three
Use synonyms
 major
reasons
Use synonyms
 around the world
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
 North America, Great Britain and Oceania , in that year. It can be seen that Europe lost most of its arable
land
Use synonyms
 compared to others,
while
Linking Words
 North America lost a very small amount of its usable area for agriculture.
Firstly
Linking Words
, among the
three
Use synonyms
 main
reasons
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 for decreasing the
land
Use synonyms
 worldwide were over-grazing,
Over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 and desertification. The highest percentage was held by the over-glazing , which was a little over a third at that time.
While
Linking Words
 erosion had a little under a third
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 had a little over a quarter (28%). The remaining small portion of 7% was by other
reasons
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
three
Use synonyms
 regions of the world as Europe was at the top in reducing usable farming
land
Use synonyms
 was mostly caused by deforestation , about 9.8%,
while
Linking Words
 in the South Pacific , Australia and New Zealand were the second
three
Use synonyms
 losing it's farmland by over-grazing .
Although
Linking Words
 Oceania lost a minimal amount of
land
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 logging but it didn't lose any for
over-cultivation
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. Moving on to North America , the deterioration of the cultivating
land
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 had a bearly noticeable 0.2% decline
due to
Linking Words
 deforestation , but mostly
due to
Linking Words
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
. Again , for Europe,
Over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 and Over-grazing both had a noticeable impact in terms of decline in agricultural estate.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reasons, land, three, over-cultivation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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