IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays fashion is becoming more and more important to young people. Some people thinkthis has negative impacts on young people and on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that the increasing importance of
fashion
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 among young
people
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 has negative effects on both individuals and society. Some
people
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 strongly believe that
this
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 trend causes distorted economic values,
while
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 others contend that
fashion
Use synonyms
 empowers cultural expression. In my opinion, I disagree with the negative view, as
fashion
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 encourages creativity and promotes cultural diversity. I will explain the reasons for my viewpoint in
this
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 essay. The first reason I hold
this
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 view is that
fashion
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 allows young
people
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 to express their identity and creativity.
For instance
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, many teenagers mix different cultural styles,
such
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 as Japanese minimalism and Western streetwear, to show their personal taste and background.
This
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 kind of expression can lead to more cultural understanding and global connection, and it highlights the importance of freedom in self-expression. If young
people
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 were not allowed to explore their
fashion
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 identity, it might limit their creativity and confidence.
Furthermore
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, the rise of sustainable and gender-neutral
fashion
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also
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 shows how young
people
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 use
fashion
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 to promote positive social values.
On the other hand
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, some may argue that
fashion
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 creates materialism and encourages young
people
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 to buy counterfeit goods. One compelling argument is that following luxury trends can lead to financial pressure and unhealthy competition.
This
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 is particularly important because it may cause some young
people
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 to value appearance over personal growth.
However
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, it remains undeniable that the
fashion
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 industry
also
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 provides many job opportunities and supports the creative economy. It helps young
people
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 develop design, marketing, and communication skills, which are valuable in modern society. In conclusion, after evaluating both sides of the argument,
it is clear that
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while
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fashion
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 may sometimes lead to materialism, its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Fashion
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 not only empowers young
people
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 to express themselves but
also
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 contributes to cultural exchange and creative development in society.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the end.
coherence
Keep ideas close to the question and use a clear plan.
coherence
Use link words to move from one idea to next.
examples
Add more strong examples that show life in schools, work, or home.
strength
Clear stance and position on the topic.
strength
Some good examples of fashion shows and trends.
strength
Logical flow in some parts.
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