IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of population who are aged at 15 or younger. What is your opinion of the current and future effects it may have in those countries

The percentage of middle childhood age-groups has been surging in many nations around the world. There are numerous factors contributing to the increase in teenagers in many countries, which can cause present and long-term consequences in those countries. I will explain the impacts of a hike in the adolescent population in the forthcoming paragraphs. The begin with, the profound effects will be on the productive manpower of the region. The rise in the population aged 15 or older will increase the demand for schools. Insufficient schools can lead to overcrowded classrooms, which will negatively affect the quality of education.
Therefore
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, it can lead to a decline in the progress of learners, which in turn gives a downfall hit to the rise of human resources of the particular state.
For instance
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, territories which has a larger figure of illiterate or less educated people are usually considered as underdeveloped countries.
Apart from
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this
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, an upsurge in the number of children can
also
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 escalate crime in the cities. More growing populace replicates the demand for more employment.
However
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, if the government is unable to meet the exigencies of jobs in the market, people might indulge in illegal activities ,which can disturb the law and order of the society and may pose a risk to the lives of other citizens.
Hence
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, it is extremely crucial to manage the citizenry of various areas around the world. Conclusively, Citizens contribute to the direct breakthrough of the nation;
nevertheless
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, if the advancement in the count of residents goes beyond the target statistics, it can detrimentally influence the progress of the country and
also
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 concern the harmony.
Therefore
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, it is important to maintain the expansion in the percentage of all age groups in different regions.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has clear main points and support for those points. This will help your ideas be easier to follow.
task achievement
Add more background information or context in the introduction to strengthen your argument and provide more insight.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to back up your claims. This makes your points clearer and more convincing.
task achievement
You successfully identified both the education and crime issues as consequences of a growing youth population, showing good awareness of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ever-increasing
  • proportion
  • vibrant
  • innovative
  • strain
  • cater
  • predominantly
  • unemployment
  • adequately
  • GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
  • sustainability
  • demographic
  • reforms
  • social unrest
  • illusioned
  • dynamic
  • global stage
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