IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 many people believe that it is beneficial to disclose
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
abstract as much
Correct word order
as much abstract
show examples
as
Check wording
data as
show examples
 possible,in the academic world, business, and scientific analysis;
however
Linking Words
, others have faith that some data is so crucial or too valuable to share independently. In order to the first point of view, an exchange of information leads to innovation and advancement in several sectors;
moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 helps in overcoming future obstacles
such
Linking Words
 as a decline in global ranking, a fall in product
selling
Check wording
sales
show examples
, and illiteracy. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
, in 2020, in China, the Covid-19 vaccination discovery and selling became only possible, owing to the sharing of data among biologists, chemists, and drug sellers.
In contrast
Linking Words
, because of the sharing of important information, it could lead to several drawbacks. The main issue will be related to security protocol issues, which include violations of rules and regulations, claims of work ownership disputes and plagiarism concerns;
however
Linking Words
, some of these factors will become a cause of the decline of the business product market value.
For instance
Linking Words
, 3 years ago, at my university, a case was reported, in which one female friend shared his valuable research findings with her friend for tips, but her friend copied her research work and submitted it before her,
as a result
Linking Words
, she did not pass her thesis that year.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the above discussion illustrates that an exchange of important information has privileges, but its drawbacks are on another level. In my opinion, we should not share our essential data with anyone throughout our lives, which is very remarkable and relates to our study, work, and research.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

plan
Plan your essay before you write. Decide your view and what you want to say. Use three parts: intro, body, and conclusion.
structure
Make the flow clear. Use simple connect words like and, but, but also, however, for example.
content
Stick to one strong idea per paragraph. Add one clear example for each point.
language
Check word use and grammar. Use common words and short sentences.
opinion
Finish with your clear own view. Do not say you never share all data, unless you really mean it.
content
The essay shows a view on both sides.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
coherence
There are links to show contrast and connect ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: