IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of socity. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, schools play a significant role in the behaviour of children. A commonly held belief that
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for teaching their kids how to behave better to be good members of the community,
while
Linking Words
 some of them consider that schools are the place for learning
this
Linking Words
. In my view, I consider that both are complementary to each other
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, the major part is on the
parents
Use synonyms
. 
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is no denying that pupils can influence each other by imitating the actions, because they might admire or feel interested in some behaviour that their friends do .
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
parents
Use synonyms
 do not take action to prevent
this
Linking Words
, the child will not understand the wrong
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
right.
In addition
Linking Words
, teach him how to behave better to be a good member of society by giving him advice
that is
Linking Words
 beneficial for him and visiting him at an orphanage or encouraging him to aid other people.
For example
Linking Words
, my
parents
Use synonyms
 always tell my sister to donate money to the poor people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that made her think about the weakness. With regard to the school and the teachers, they should teach their students how to help their friends by holding an event for donations or even talk with them regularly about the importance of aiding other individuals and being a good citizen because not only the
parents
Use synonyms
 responsible for their children, the school is the second place, that the child spends most of the time in.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was studying, my school was doing competitions for donations and for the best students, regarding to aid their friends and teachers, which has built a sense of responsibility toward our community. In a nutshell, the
parents
Use synonyms
 and the schools are playing the same role in teaching the student how to be a better version of himself to help and embody his community.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make a clear plan. Start with a short intro that states your view. Then have two body parts for each side, with a clear topic sentence. End with a short conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence
Use linking words to move from idea to idea. Simple words like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example' help.
examples
Give one specific example for each point and show how it supports your view.
content
The writer shows a view that both parents and school matter.
structure
There is a basic plan with introduction, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: